#she refused to look for me at all even tho i sent her pics of my surroundings and told me to find HER | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

somejazzinthemorning · 2 years ago

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tightrope. 03

Pairing: Carlos Sainz x Original Female Character Warnings: Language Word Count: 7.241 Previous chapter: 02.

Drowning myself in work is my go-to coping mechanism for more than half of my problems.

I'll either resort to racing or tracing brand strategies in an attempt to avoid having to face whatever problem throws my way and, that night, being 11 pm on a Wednesday, my laptop and the small whiteboard on my desk became my saving grace.

Despite the burning eyes and my aching back, after hours sat at my desk, my mind was still racing, high on whatever feelings the brush of his lips had evoked in my body. I fell asleep to the memory of his eyes and the velvet lips.

There was no way to escape it. We were already falling.

I woke up late, the next day.

My phone had a full wall of notifications ready to present me. A single text in the middle of the dozens of work-related emails, most of them answers to the ones I’d written during the night and scheduled to be sent in the early hours of the work day. I only realised I was smiling, probably high on my own expectations, when I felt my smile drop, after seeing who sent the text. Amanda. Not him.

“those updates on the project at 3 am??? r u okay?”

“sorry! i remembered to schedule the emails, but forgot about the notes on the project.” "got some good work done, tho”

"need to take a moment to reread all of your incoherent notes” "all that rambling is… wow” "BUUUUUT come to the office” "the things from the berlin store just arrived, you will love them”

"can’t make it today” "send pics!”

"come tomorrow, then! ill get churros for breakfast”

My phone went back to the nightstand and I pulled up the comforter, wrapping it around myself in an attempt to find some security and calm of mind. I peered out from under the comforter, staring at the dark room, only lightened by some streaks of light created from a gap in the blinds. I was still tired from the night, and my mind scrambled from everything we had shared.

Eventually, I left the bed. My mom was downstairs, and a copy of Shadow of the Wind rested on the kitchen counter while she cooked lunch. Frank Sinatra played on the old record player in the living room and the music continued to stretch around the house as we ate together. Luckily, her birthday party was keeping her busy; busy enough that she didn't remember to ask me about the dinner from last night.

Truth be told: I'm a terrible liar. I would never be able to escape her questions.

At the end of the day, I met Rocco for a workout, in a nearby gym. He was waiting for me, leaning against the reception counter, teal Puma t-shirt paired with an amused smirk; I knew he was more than ready to put me through my paces. And I was right. It only took me a couple of exercises to lay on the floor, panting and sweating."Have you thought about what you're doing next season?" I looked up, in the direction of the voice. Rocco was standing in front of me, holding my water bottle.

I sat up straight and extended my hand to grab it. "Not yet," the water was cold and refreshing. Just what I needed. "Maybe a third year in the Challenge and," I paused to breathe. "You know, the reserve seat. Not ideal, but yeah."

He frowned, sitting down on one of the plyo boxes near me. "But yeah?"

"Yeah. Works." I answered, laying back down on the green turf. The small fake grass ticklish on my legs and arms. "Not much, but it's racing."

"I think I'll pretend you didn't say that."

"Why? It's just how it is."

He cleared his throat, the deep sound making me open my eyes and stare at him again. "Up," he commanded, refusing to help me get up. I brought the hand I'd just held up to the floor, to help me get up.

"I thought we were done," I said. He didn't even need to say anything to make me understand that we were, in fact, not done. "Are you mad?"

“Annoyed,” he turned back to me. “What the heck was that answer? Of course, a third year in the Challenge and a reserve seat in WEC are not ideal. I was hoping for a real answer, not some… whatever that was.”

“It’s the reality,” I shrugged. Instead of turning back and going back to do whatever he was about to do, he just kept looking at me. Not the conversation I was hoping for today.

“You had a plan. What happened?” He asked.

“Nothing happened. I had a plan. And it’s going as it’s possible.”

"Excuses, Eva," Rocco exclaimed. He stepped forward and looked me in the eye. "You have a plan. You know what you want. And you have the talent."

“Congrats, you just solved gender inequality.” I gave him an ironic thumbs up, my mind still scrambled from the efforts of the workout and the encounter from last night. This kind of conversation was not what I wanted.

“You’re more than capable of getting a decent seat next year.”

“As we know,” I wiggled my finger between both of us, “It’s a tough path. Being capable won’t get me a seat. ”

“Locking yourself in an office keeping track of TikTok trends will?” I sent him a look. He held up his hands in defence. “You’re making excuses. There are other drivers fighting for the same things as you are and they are not taking no for an answer.”

“Neither am I.”

"Come on," he chortled, eying me carefully. I could tell that he wanted the best for me, but I was not really in the mood to discuss this at the moment. "When was the last time you actually planned something for yourself, and not just some new fashion designer or boujie vegan chef?"

I felt a little bit of annoyance creeping its way up my spine. I had been pushing myself so hard for the last few months, and I was starting to feel a bit overwhelmed with all the pressure.

“Can we focus on the races I have left to win?” I asked, my voice taking on an exasperated tone. “We can talk about this after I win this championship?”

“Sure.” He bent down to grab a 15 kg power bag from the floor and dropped it off at my feet. "This wasn't planned, but that self-pity is annoying me."

“A punishment?" I took my hands to my hips, a light chortle abandoning my lips. "Burpees and never-ending lounges? That's what you think I need right now?"

"No, no burpees," he said, his grin widening. "But maybe a few extra lounges wouldn't hurt." He was clearly enjoying this. I rolled my eyes and glanced down at the power bag in front of me.

“It was not—”

He cleared his throat, cutting me off, and I went silent. Then, looking at him, I saw that he was grinning at me once again, content. Yeah, it was self-pity. Yeah, the future is scary, especially when you’re a 25-year-old woman in motorsports and your career seems to be stuck.

I took a deep breath and bent over to pick up the bag, the cold weight of it dragging my body down to the ground. Rocco took a few steps back and then motioned me with his head to start.

"Andiamo," he said. “20 steps back and forth. Three series.”

So I did. I started lounging with the bag, back and forth across the green patch of turf on that side of the gym, trying to keep a steady pace. With each step, the pressure of the bag weighed me down. I kept going, pushing forward and gritting my teeth against the pain. When I finally reached the twentieth step, I dropped the bag and breathed out, my body aching from the effort.

By the end of the third series, I had pushed my body to its very limits and back. I sunk down onto the cool grass beneath me, feeling the relief of the softness beneath me—my muscles aching and my body dripping with sweat, my hair matted to my neck and temples.

Rocco sat near me, guiding me through a couple of moves, helping me to loosen my tight muscles and stretch out my body. Despite the big (and somewhat threatening) muscles he had a gentle touch.

“What’s on your mind?”

"Hm?" I frowned, my eyebrows furrowing together as I closed my eyes, feeling his hand pressing down on my thigh, pushing it firmly against the hard floor. I could feel the pain radiating through my body, but I tried to focus on the sensation of his grip.

“You always complain this hurts,” he said. I opened one eye. Now, I could feel the pressure from his grip. Probably something shifted on my face because he instantly asked, “Now it hurts?”

"It hurt before, I was just distracted." I shook my head, closing my eyes again and focusing on the sensation of his grip. “I’m free to feel like shit when things go badly." I let out.

“Things are not going badly,” he sighed, leaving my leg and switching to the other. “You’re simply letting yourself fall behind.”

I took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly, my head falling back against the floor. I stayed there for a few moments, my heart pounding against my chest and my thoughts racing a million miles per hour. When I finally opened my eyes again, I looked up at Rocco, this time because I felt my thigh burning with discomfort, he was still looking at me, waiting for an answer.

"Too much." I glanced below while patting his arm. He raised an eyebrow, implying more pressure. "Ei!" I scrunched my nose. He just arched a brow. Sadistic fucker. “What? Are you going to hurt me until I hold someone at gunpoint and ask for a seat?”

“You talk like you don’t have good offers, Eva.”

“What is a good offer? Driving against 19-year-old boys in Formula 3? It’s humiliating.”

“W Series?” He suggested.

“I want to race with men and show people I can win against them.” I sat down. Rocco took his hands from my legs. My muscles tingled with the same intensity my thoughts did. “I like the Challenge because I’m showing them I can do it. But the team does not have a budget to race in other series. And I can’t be a reserve forever. So I can do another year and hope things change.”

“See? You’re choosing to fall behind.” He took a deep breath, understanding my frustration. "You can always look for sponsorship," he said, his eyes focused on the floor. "You have the talent, the connections—"

“I spent my teenage years sending letters and desperately trying to talk to people. You saw how that went.”

“You have results to show them, now. In two weeks you’ll have a championship.” I dragged my hands over my face. Instant regret. Both my hands and face were tingling with the same intensity my thoughts did. “W Series will give you exposure. Will give you points. You need points..”

“Why are you so interested now?” I arched an eyebrow, feeling a bit suspicious. “The year is long. Anything can happen. A lot can change.”

“I just don’t see you planning ahead.” He deadpanned, his expression unreadable. “What if you can’t do another season of the Challenge? Will you be content with just being a reserve in WEC?”

“Why so many ifs?” I asked, still feeling a bit apprehensive.

“Motorsports are unpredictable,” he replied, his voice steady and sure. “I’ve been around long enough to know that. And I’m your coach, not just a trainer. It’s kinda my responsibility to do this.”

“Nah, I’m not having it.” I paused, still not entirely convinced. “Do you know something I don’t?”

Rocco just shook his head. The dark strands of his hair moved in unison. “Eva—” He shrugged. I could see the wheels turning in his mind. Whatever he was about to say, it seemed like it wasn't completely true. "One," he continued; his tone shifting. "I don't want to be left without a job when you get bored of racing." I threw my towel at him, though I knew he was only joking. Unfortunately, he dodged it. "Two," he continued, "you're racing like a pro. You should race with the pros."

At least, in one thing he was right. I was racing like a pro.

On the other hand, I was not acting like one.

My team and my dad, the main sponsor, were the only support I had. Despite having other offers, none met our expectations. I had been a third, fourth, or fifth driver for too long. I had spent too much time in the garage, running simulations, and taking part in test sessions. Years of it. Each of these experiences had demoralized me.

Racing in the Challenge, learning with my team, taking time to understand the car and driving it to a podium made sense to me. Standing in the garage and hoping for someone to get food poisoning or COVID was not only morally wrong but also quite dull.

“Did you make this whole drama when Rio told you he wanted to stop racing and just go to college and become an engineer?” I asked, getting up from the floor and picking up my towel, still lying on the ground.

“It was worse actually,” my trainer said, following me. “I think I almost killed him when he told me.”

“We make quite the pair, don’t we?”

He smiled and nodded. “Yes, you do. Your poor father has his hands full with you two.” We stopped walking when we reached the locker room. “Go have a shower and get some rest.”

The second I reached my locker and opened the wooden door, I reached for my phone, looking for a message that hadn't arrived. Pathetic. A part of me considered taking the initiative and being the one to call or text him but, to be honest, what was left for me to say?

I had already told him everything by asking him not to kiss me and I might have told him even more by refusing to let go of him.

The office smelled of churros, so I knew Amanda was around. Either that or someone else had the same idea as her.

Familiar faces smiled back at me as I crossed the corridors and the work areas until I finally reached the common area and took one of the available seats. Since I had chosen to work remotely, and only visited the office casually for occasional meetings or when I needed a place where I could focus, I wasn't given an office.

The room was filled with the buzz of people chatting and the occasional laughter, making me feel a bit out of place. I knew most of them (read: I knew their names and which projects were under their purview), but rarely talked to any of them. Amanda, one of my friends from college, and the one who had introduced me to this agency was the only one I regularly talked with.

I sat down in my chair and pulled my laptop out of my bag. After talking with Rocco yesterday, I decided to take action on my career and spent last night looking at emails and reading my dad's notes on the sides of those he considered important enough to print. So, when I opened my laptop, my screen showed me my Notion board, which honestly felt like a showcase of my own failures. Not the first thing I wanted to see that morning.

A knock on the glass divider of the office made me lift my head up and find Amanda on the other side of it. A beautiful purple jumper highlighted her beautiful curves; her hair was pulled up in a ponytail. In her hands, a white box.

I waved at her.

“Vamos,” she motioned with her head. “Before anyone tries to steal these from me.”

I smiled and grabbed my laptop, zipping it up before getting up and walking towards her. “You know I have an important weekend ahead, right?”

She laughed, opening the box. “A churro won't weigh you down, don't worry.”

I took one of them and walked near her to the cafeteria. The morning light was soft, and the day was not too warm. Ideal to sit on the balcony and talk for a while. So, that's what we did. I grabbed coffee for both, while she walked outside.

The sunshine on my skin was just a slight warmth as I leaned on my chair, and the smooth breeze of the morning cooled off my skin. Traffic sounds in the background, the ruffle of chairs and the occasional bark of one of the dogs playing on the balcony of the start-up that shares the building with us.

While having a sip of her coffee, I noticed Amanda's eyes widening, and I could practically see the bell ringing in her mind. Instantly, my brows were drawn together. Brace yourself, Eva.

"So, I heard on Twitter dot com…" I rolled my eyes at the last part, and despite provoking a small chuckle from her, she didn't stop talking and her gaze still remained twinkling mischievously. "Carlos was in Mugello last weekend."

Oh, for fucks sake.

"If that's what Twitter says, it must be true."

"Yes. So," she paused. Her head tilted slightly, honestly looking like a pup who saw a threat in the distance. "Did you two talk?"

I shook my head; my fingers busy on the handle of my mug, desperately trying to seem unbothered by the question. "Nah, we didn't talk."

"You sure?" She asked, her eyebrows raised in suspicion.

"Yes, I'm sure," I said, my voice steady. "It's not like we're friends or anything."

"That's too bad," she murmured, a hint of disbelief in her voice. "It's not like Carlos and your brother are still like, the best of friends and maybe— maybe he went there to visit him and you end up talking?"

I sighed. "Stop it."“You're a terrible liar, Eva.” Amanda said bluntly, her gaze intense.

“Amanda,” I said, my voice stern and my eyes piercing. "Stop it."

“So, you talked.” Amanda gave me a knowing look. "I knew it. I saw those tweets and I realised we had barely talked this week, and that only happens when you're too busy overthinking. And then boom, I woke up to dozens of notes made at 2 am? You always go to bed early." She crossed her arms, her gaze still intense. "Come on, just tell me what happened. If it’s not him, it’s anything else. That worries me too. I'm here for you, no judgement."

I sighed. "Fine," I said, setting my mug down and leaning back on the chair. "We talked. A lot. We actually had dinner."

Amanda's gaze softened, but then she frowned again. “Dinner? The three of you?”

“The two of us.”

"Just the two of you?" Amanda's eyes widened in surprise, lips smiling brightly. I nodded to her question. "What did you talk about?"

A part of me wanted to end it there. The other part of me needed some guidance. And Amanda was a friend, she always had good advice. On the downside, she loved to gossip. But we were friends. Guidance. But gossip.

I shrugged. “Just normal things. Racing.”

“Okaaaay, that’s good.” At this point, her lips were curving up like she was the one having dinner with him. I couldn’t decide if her reaction annoyed me or made me happy. "So, what now? Are you going to keep in contact with him?"

I shook my head. "I don't think the dinner changed anything.” Liar.

“Eva,” she propped her elbows on the table. “You’re a terrible liar. Spit it out. What happened? If you don’t want to talk about it, tell me that. Just don’t lie.”

Talking about it would make a big deal. A bigger deal, actually. I dragged my hands over my face, tired and confused. Thinking about it was challenging enough and I truly didn't want to transform all my confusion and emotions into words. Amanda, on the other hand, couldn't hide the fact that she wanted the truth, her gaze so strong it almost made me melt over the iron (and obnoxiously red) chair I was sitting on.

So I told her. Every single detail. From the glorious vision of him under the bright lights of my garage, which for a second made me feel like I was living in an alternate world, through the call at dawn, to his gauze under the beautiful sunset glow. His warm, velvety lips brushing against mine. I told her about the “I think I might have loved you, too”, and the way that even in my dreams I couldn’t seem to forget his scent when he hugged me goodbye.

I felt so exposed, so vulnerable, as I spilled my heart out onto that small table, and when I finished all I could hear was the sound of her sigh. A ridiculous rom-com kind of sigh.

“I just feel like we messed it up because of pure desperation,” I said, crossing one leg over the other and looking around. “He messed it up. I think we just missed each other so much we… I don’t know. Got confused on the feelings?”

“He messed up?”

“I didn’t kiss him back. I just asked him to please, don’t.” It was more ridiculous saying it out loud now than when I recalled the moment in my mind.

“You’re even stupider than I thought,” was her answer. I arched my brow. “The guy cooked for you, at his place, told you he “thinks he loved you too” and tries to kiss you and now you’re mad because he didn’t text you?” She paused. “What the hell will he say? Of course, he won’t text you. What would you say to someone after being denied a kiss? Text him yourself.”

“No.”

“Why not?” Why not? I asked myself the same question. Because I can’t trust him to stay. Better, because I can’t trust him to not leave. “Don’t be stubborn, come on. Just by looking at you, I know you’re dying to get that kiss.”

“Can’t we go back inside and talk about work?”

“Oh, no, missy.” She shook her head. “Those AB tests can wait. I want to talk about you and how you’re so dumb you might lose the chance of your life.”

“You’re exaggerating. As always.”

“Eva.” She was stern, her eyes burning on me. “He was your best friend. At least try to mend that friendship. Even if you don’t want anything else. Whatever the reason.”

I sighed, bowing my head in defeat. Amanda had a way of making me see sense, even when I didn't want to. "And if I can’t see him as a friend but still can’t give a step in the other direction?”

“Then, you give it time. Just don’t give it too much space.” She got up from her chair. Mug on one hand. The empty white box on the other. “Remember how that worked up last time.”

Fact one about Amanda: she was probably the most curious person I knew. Any arguments in the office, celebrity rumours or gossip of literally any kind she knew by heart, down to the last detail. And while that was remotely irritating, especially at exhausting times, like during Amber and Johnny’s trial, or when (especially when) the news broke about Pique and Shakira's divorce, it could also be a blessing. At least from my point of view. Perhaps all the stories contributed to her having a broader view of relationships and, as a result, being so good at giving advice. Fact two: there was no one more insistent than her, so, evidently, she couldn’t leave the office without reminding me to text him.

It was 5 pm, and I was utterly absorbed in the presentation for the new restaurant. I was head down, consumed by the details of culinary and marketing analytics, and, to tell the truth, my mind was so focused on this project that I couldn't really think of anything else.

Amanda was getting ready to leave. Jacquemus purse over her shoulder and a strong pink lipstick on the place where a less saturated one had been during the day.

“You stay?” She asked me.

“Aham,” I briefly made my eyes leave the screen to look at her. “I need to finish this. Next week I’ll be too busy.”

“You leaving for Italy on Monday?”

“Tuesday,” I corrected her, my eyes going back down to the laptop. “Don’t want to leave this to the last minute.”

“Okay. I’ll try to have a look at it before you leave. Also,” my eyes went up again. “Send the man a good luck text.”

I sighed, rolling my eyes at her. "He doesn't need my luck text.”

Amanda nodded, her eyes still twinkling mischievously. "Okay, send him a whatever text, then. An emoji. Like his Instagram story.”

“I’m afraid liking his story won’t work.” I leaned back on her office chair, which I had taken in the middle of the day when she needed to leave for a meeting and left me to use her small office.

“Text him, then. Anything. I wouldn’t let Carlos Sainz escape, but you do you, babes,” she shrugged, turning her back to me to walk to the door.“Enjoy the weekend. Besos!”

“Bye!”

I didn’t text him. Of course. In the same way, she was insistent, I was stubborn.

Actually, let me rephrase it.

I didn’t text him then.

Mid-afternoon, Rio had called inviting me to dinner, and when I asked about the kids, he told me he had booked a nanny, so they would stay home. It was either business or pleasure. I didn't need to ask; as soon as he mentioned my dad was invited, I knew we'd be discussing business. And after Rocco's worries last night, I knew it was partly my business, too.

My nerves were on edge as I prepared to leave the office. They only worsened as I neared the restaurant - a way too fancy place for a Friday dinner with the family.

Crossing the sidewalk, my heels clacking on the cement, my head spinning from the long hours in front of my laptop, and the anxiety building in my chest, I looked inside. My dad was seated at the end of the table, with an empty seat to his right - the seat I was supposed to take. Marjorie was already waving at me. Smiling politely to the man standing at the door, I said, "They're waiting for me." He nodded and let me enter.

My eyes drifted to their table, and I allowed myself a few seconds to study the mood. They were laughing, but my palms were still sweating as I settled in for what would surely be an uncomfortable conversation.

"Sorry, traffic," I said, punctuating my apology with a kiss on each of my parents' cheeks. "Am I too late?"

"No, no," my dad said, his voice warm and comforting. "Your brother was about to tell me something, but you just distracted him. Go ahead, Fabrizio."

I turned to him, curious.

"I'm sure we can wait a bit more. Just... after the food," he said.

"Why are you so nervous?" Marjorie asked, her violet fingernails softly laying over his arm in a gentle caress. "It's something good," she said to me. "Don't worry."

"Are you pregnant again?" my mom asked.

"No! No, no!" my sister-in-law responded quickly, her voice almost echoing in the room. Even Rio seemed surprised by her rapid response. "It's Rio's news. Not mine."

“After the food, then,” my father said.

“I hate it when I do that,” I muttered to my brother, grabbing the menu from the table and letting my eyes drift through the print. “You haven’t ordered yet, right?”

My dad shook his head. "We were waiting for you.”

I glanced at the menu one last time before setting it back down. My dad's hand called for a waiter and, after the young man left, the conversation resumed. As usual before any Grand Prix, the race weekend was the matter on the table and, that night specifically, Carlos' penalty was the urgent matter. Ferrari had the pace and Carlos had the skill, but as I sat there, hearing my brother and dad's input on how wise the choice had or hadn't been, my attention diverged to the DNF he had suffered in Austria, less than two weeks ago. Vivid images of the flames engulfing the car, the heartbreaking words on the radio, and the cheers that echoed through the crowd as his teammate stepped onto the top step filled my mind.

One feeling the glory, the other one consumed in ruin.

“Good luck out there this weekend.” "Don’t pull another Austria. That one was scary.”

Done. I’d texted him. For better or for worse, it was done. And I didn’t have time to put the phone back in the purse before it vibrated again in my hand.

“Thank you. I really need it.”

I checked the time.

“Shouldn’t you be resting?”

“I’m resting." "Listening to my teammate rant about food, but resting.”

“Why? Did you tell him about the cheese-less pasta you tried to feed me?” “If I expect Leclerc to teach you something is how to cook pasta."

"He’s a terrible cooker.” “I’m better learning it from you.”

"I’ll be sure to give you a lesson someday."

"I'll hold you to that."

"What are you smiling about?" Marjorie asked, my attention immediately being grabbed from my screen to the table.

"Nothing, sorry," I said quickly, tucking my phone back into my purse. "Amanda just texted me about the work I was finishing.”

"Ah, Eva, if you put that effort into racing…" he said, as the waiter came back with our food. I tried to ignore him, especially because there was no use fighting back his comment.

Even with the food on the table and the anticipation to find out about Rio’s news tugging on my chest, the conversation didn’t go further from Formula 1. My dad, a lifelong Italian Ferrari fan and a very biased Carlos supporter was ranting over the lack of professionalism he was sensing from the team and how the choices they repeatedly made ruined not only the drivers but the prestige of the team. Nothing new. Rio and I have been listening to the same tirade for a long couple of years and nothing seemed to change, even after the amazing start to the season the team had.

“I had my reservations at first, but you could be a nice fit for the team, actually”, my dad said, pointing at Rio, with the knife he was using to cut his steak. Rio looked confused at him, and then, at me. “Have they given you an answer?”

What?

For a moment, I felt like I’d fallen on a different table, a completely different conversation. My gaze shifted from one to the other, confused by my father’s question.

“Who’s they?” I asked. Marjorie was biting her lip; her violet fingertips on my brother’s arm, once again.

“Ferrari,” my father responded, clearly stepping over my brother’s feet. Rio seemed bothered; clenched jaw, restless fingers that Marjorie tried to calm by positioning hers over. “Are those the news?” He asked him.

Rio nodded, his jaw unclenching and his lips transforming to a slight grin. "Yep. They offered me a job." He looked around the table, his gaze caught mine for a second but quickly left again. “I need to let them know my decision until Monza.”

“You applied for a job at Ferrari?” I asked. Honestly, I was so confused I couldn’t piece all the things together. “We’re doing so good at the Challenge, you could have waited for just one m—”

“Eva.” My dad interrupted me. The strong stern voice pulled my attention. The authority value of his words over the sweet comforting voice of the beginning of the dinner. The mood had definitely shifted “Wait? You’re the one that’s always urging the team to aim for higher heights.”

"Exactly. The team won't do that without Rio."

"But your brother will. And so will you." I tried to interject but with no success. He continued before I even had the chance to talk. "You can't possibly think your brother would stay with the team knowing he could have this huge opportunity."

"I didn't know about any opportunity." I was replying to my father, but my eyes were directed to Rio. "What about the team? And the Challenge?" I inquired.

"In less than two weeks, the championship will be over. I have no doubts you will win it. You're just losing time there," my father's tone was bothering me, but the fact that he was still cutting his steak as he talked was really aggravating my temper.

Rio, on the other hand, didn't react. His expression didn't even shift. He remained silent, eyes shifting between mine and dad's face. In his silence, though, he was telling me much more than he thought.

"This is not a formality," I said to my father. "Can you please look at me while you talk about our future?"

Finally, he put down his cutlery and remained silent for a few seconds. Deep blue eyes looked up at me, cold and serious.

"There's no future for you if you're afraid to take a serious step," he said finally. "I won't let your brother get stuck in the Challenge when I know he can do so much more. I won't let you make him fall behind because of you."

"Because of me?"

"Why else would he stay at the Challenge?" I stayed silent, feeling my fake sense of confidence being stripped away with the weight of my dad's question. The answer that my conscience gave me was selfish and I refused to say it out loud. I was afraid of staying alone, rather, I was afraid to see Rio flying solo in the higher aims I ambitioned for me and not being able to carry along. Only if he waited, we could jump up together. "Why would he choose anything less than Formula One?"

"So, you have it decided, then?" I asked Rio. "How did that even happen?"

His tongue crept in between his lips, eyes wandering on my face, afraid to reach my eyes. It was making me nervous. Not just because he was about to leave me, but because he didn't tell me about it, prior. My dad knew about it. He even thought that I knew about it. And like a lightning bulb lighting up on my head: Rocco knew it, too.

"It was proposed to me. The job. At Silverstone, a few weeks ago." Even though Rio was stuttering, and his words barely constructed a sentence, piece by piece it all fell together. "Apparently, Carlos talked to someone about you. About the Challenge. And he mentioned me, my results..." he explained. "Carlos invited me there for the Grand Prix and surprised me with an interview."

Why didn't it surprise me? Carlos. The “right time”, of course.

"Your results? Why hide this from me?” I asked, looking around the table. “Clearly, everyone else knows.”

“I wanted to tell you, but didn’t get the chance to do it.”

“But what?” I asked, half defeated, half annoyed. Angry, even. There was so much going on inside me, I couldn’t think straight. “You just said you had the interview in Silverstone. Weeks ago. You had plenty of opportunities.”

“I knew you would snap and react like this,” Rio tried to justify himself.

“Snap? I’m not—” I paused and took a deep breath. At this point, I was seething with anger. “I’m asking questions. I’m not… snapping.”

“You should be happy for me,” I would if I didn’t feel betrayed. “I know you well enough to know that you would react… badly to the news. Especially if you knew Carlos was involved**.**”

Even though his name was blinking on my head, in bold red letters, I tried to set apart his involvement in this story. So, I carried on,

“And you’re just going to do it? Leave the team, the whole project and ditch us? Without even consulting me?”

He shrugged. “I’m consulting you now.”

“This is not a consultation, Rio. Please.” A pause. “This is you telling me what you’re going to do, without even considering my opinion or the team that’s behind your great results.”

“Go ahead.” He made a gesture with his hand. “What’s your opinion, then? You are the one that’s always telling me to aim higher. This is my dream. Always has been.”

“What? Formula One? I thought your dream was to drive in Formula One. Or was that before you noticed you’re a shitty driver? Enlighten me.”

“Eva, enough,” the deep voice cut me off.

I felt like I was going to burst. I wanted to scream, to cry, to express my anger somehow. But my dad's stern gaze kept me in my place. I felt completely helpless and unheard.

“You’re being ridiculous,” said Rio, cutting through the silence. “Childish, even. Ungrateful.”

“Ungrateful? I’m not the one leaving.”

“Why does leaving need to be bad?” The question settled in for a second. “Grow a bit, and maybe you’ll get some good opportunities too.”

“Sure, maybe then my friends will get me jobs, too. Is that what you mean?”

“Enough.” My dad's fist hit the table, loud enough to silence us, but not to the point of attracting too much attention.

My gaze lingered on his clenched fist on the table. I nodded, forcing myself not to say anything else. I placed my napkin on the table and got up, making sure my chair wouldn’t make any noise when pushed back. Before turning around, I paused briefly, my gaze now resting on my brother. “Good luck with your new job.”

It didn't surprise me when I saw Carlos fly through the track the next day, setting amazing times in the qualifying session, despite the penalty waiting for him for the race. He was dancing with the car, tracing beautiful lines within the colourful ones Paul Ricard was known for. Carlos would start P19 the next day, only ahead of Magnussen, who also had a back-of-the-grid penalty.

I traded the interviews for a dip in the pool and lingered there for the remainder of the afternoon. Perhaps because I was not the best person to have around that day, my parents had left just before lunch and didn't get back until after dinner. Alone, with music echoing throughout the house and the crippling anxiety the events that week had provoked, I felt myself get lost in the doubts and uncertainties.

My phone rang when I was already getting ready for bed. On my nightstand, the name Carlos appeared over an old photo of both of us. Like I couldn't control it, I walked to the phone and sat on the bed. I let it ring a few times before picking it up.

“Hi,” he said. I just looked through the window, to the dark backyard. “No good luck text today?”

“Guess not.”

“And why's that?”

“Did you know Rio had an interview to work at Ferrari?”

“Yes...?” He paused. “Is that a problem?”

“Did you know he got a job offer?”

We both fell into a moment of silence. A long sigh stretched through the line. I closed my eyes, not sure what to expect from the conversation. The next time his voice was heard, it was more serious.

"Can we stop asking questions instead of answering them?"

"The timing is funny," I said. "Just that."

"What do you mean?"

"You coming to Mugello? Was that a coincidence?"

"Eva, what?" Carlos was silent for a few seconds. "Don't make this into a drama," he said. "Rio is talented and if he got a job offer it's because he earned it. The things are not remotely related."

"I'm not complaining about him getting the job."

"Then what are you complaining about?" Carlos asked.

"That it took you years to finally come back and talk to me and it happened just when he got a job in your team. Did you really want to talk to me or did he make you do that?"

"I didn't do it for him," Carlos said. "I did it because I wanted to see you."

"I wish I could believe you."

"And why don't you?"

"It's been three years. Coincidences don't just happen."

I could hear him breathe. Silence weighed down my chest. He wasn't denying it. He wasn't telling me why he was there, that night. "Can I see you this week?" He asked me, before a long sigh.

"No."

"I'll be in Maranello for a few days." I bit my lip, shaking my head to the void. "You'll be in Imola, right? I can go there—"

"I don't want to see you." I talked over him and then paused for a brief second. "Don't show up there, please. It's an important week and I don't really need more distractions."

“Eva, por favor.”

“Good luck tomorrow.”

I put my phone away and let myself sink into the bed, feeling nothing but the warmth of the comforters on my skin and the instant sense of security that came over me. I allowed my eyes to close and my mind to drift away, and before I knew it, a prayer for Carlos came into my thoughts.

I prayed for strength for both him and me, for us. I knew that, whether we were on or off the track, we would need to find a way to get through whatever was to come.

Next Chapter: 04.

Thank you for your support in the previous chapter! Carlos will become a more present character in the future. Pinky promise. Don't abandon me until that happens, please! <3

#tightrope #carlos sainz x you #carlos sainz x reader #carlos sainz smut #carlos sainz imagine #carlos sainz fanfic #carlos sainz #f1 imagine #f1 one shot #f1 fanfic #f1 x you #f1 x reader #fanf1ction #carlos sainz angst #carlos sainz fluff #carlos sainz jr

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dollwrites · 2 years ago

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HELLO BABE THERES SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT LOL I'm gonna try to make this ask not overwhelming lol

First demon slayer. TELL ME ALL YOUR OPINIONS NEOW I MUST KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OF THE FIRST (and maybe second) EPISODE 👀 koku and yoriichi are so beautiful like even the yoriichi doll that has half a face is gorgeous lol, also the way that koku was scolding akaza like 😳 I also love the part where doma tried flirting with the biwa lady and shes just like get the fuck outta here 😒 and listen I'm not ashamed to say that I would literally pay mitsuri to talk to me lol idk how genya could ignore her IN A HOT SPRING OF ALL PLACES.

Now to diabolik lovers, I also must know literally all of your opinions on the two seasons too lol 👀 like who your favorites are and why, what you think of each family, etc 🤔 So my first favorite the absolute first time I ever watched it sooo long ago was ayato so he'll always be one of my favs and I have a soft spot for the triplets for sure, but literally every mukami is my favorite LMAO I was absolutely shook when they were introduced in the second season. Like if diabolik lovers didn't want me rooting for yui to stay with the mukamis they shouldn't have made them all look THAT good. Like starting with azusa I knew he was for me when the FIRST thing out of his mouth was do you like pain? If they had left me alone with him on the first day I would have let him do vile disgusting things to me lol they would have had to pry me off him, and when he had the knife and was like I want to see it pierce your skin HELLO KNIFE KINK 😳 and Kou is so beautiful even tho the whole masochistic kitten is slightly cringy lol he can call me that all he wants, the masochistic part is completely true lmao 👀 the way that he gave her flowers so he could insist he needed something in return to suck her blood and then took them back and DESTROYED them when she refused was so manipulative and dramatic I love it lol. Also that boy was MOANING when he first drank her blood LMAO he was thoroughly enjoying himself 👀 Kou is so whiny too the way he was like help me get undressed I'm not good with buttons 🥺 and when he bit over suburus mark bc he was jealous, I fr love everything about that boy lol. AND YUMA THE BIG BOY I would never recover if he was carrying me around like that, like I can just imagine him using you like a ragdoll my size kink can nawt handle him 😭

We also NEED to talk about tokyo revengers asap but since this is already getting long and I'm not sure if you finished season 2 yet we'll have to wait until the next one maybe 🤔

THE DABI TIKTOK HOLY SHIT IM SO BLESSED YOU SENT THAT TO MEEE 🥰 I could actually cry at the pic where hes burning your neck as hes choking you that's all I want in life 😭 tojis looking alot like megumi I'm v excited 👀 also poor akaza he hates doma with all his heart LOL

I have so many tiktoks to send you it's not even funny lol im really gonna have to restrain myself rn

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTR37dNBG/

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTR3WvqJY/

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTR3WET4D/ SIZE KINK SIZE KINK !!

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTR3Woj4R/ no bc they made them look too beautiful in this intro I would immediately leave with them

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTR37LNqY/

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTR37FL6t/ I could never forget about the biggest slut in the show 👀

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTR37NFSb/ me immediately running lmaoo

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTR37YBtQ/ THERE WAS NO REASON TO BE THAT SEDUCTIVE 😭

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTR3WcwrY/ hes so pretty 🥺

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTR37kVjn/ the way that he would inflict pain so lovingly 👀

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTR37dtr4/ LMAOO

I have so many demon slayer tiktoks to send lol but I'll only send like one now since theres already a ridiculous amount above lol and save the rest for the next one 😭

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTR37Yk1b/ the voice 🥵

Jjk anon 🥰😘😘

YES OMG IVE BEEN WAITINGG TO BE ABLE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT!!

Full disclosure I’ve not seen the second episode yet! My mom is watching it with me and last weekend she had company over so I didn’t get to watch it with her so I held off

YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW HAPPY I AM TO SEE KOKU AND YORII ANIMATED !!!! I am screaming crying throwing up

THIS IS MY PERFECT VICTORY

Especially bc I’ve got so many ideas for koku x reader x yorii I am actually mentally eel. My friends know this already but I have an OBSESSION when it comes to anime twins. I become absolutely rabid

Douma being like ✨✨ be nicer to him ✨✨ I didn’t dodge it on purpose and koku just being all THE POINT IS HIERARCHY

I wanted to cum right then I love just a strong, cold man and he’s my favorite !!!

Biwa has had It with everyone’s bullshit and honestly I don’t blame her if I had to be stuck in that dimension with akaza and douma having their dick measuring contest, koku lamenting about traditions, hantengu just fuckin sobbing, and gyokko wiggling around I would FOR SURE have lost my mind. except I would ofc be sitting right on koku’s lap talking about some “yes daddy ur so right they just don’t make demons like they used to”

MITSURI IN THE HOT SPRING MADE ME FALL TO MY KNEES I WILL WORSHIP HER!!!!

Genya’s such a cock but I can’t help but really REALLy like him.. it’s how fucking mean and gruff he is he’s got major tsundere type vibes and honestly that’s my fave

ALSO BEFORE WE GO FURTHER I FULLY AND TOTALLY APOLOGIZE FOR WRITING FOR YOUR MANS DAD BEFORE I WROTE FOR HIM 😭 something about how big…. And beefy… and cruel he is… I want him to put it in my butt I’m no longer playing it cool. ALTHOUGH I DO FEEL BETRAYED BY YOU BC YOU DIDNT BOTHER MENTIONING DABI HAD A BEEFY SEXY DAD WITH HUGE TITS WHO WOULD HIT ME IN MY FACE

OKAY I HAVENT SEEN DL IN YEARS SO I WILL REMEMBER WHAT I CAN

I just god I’m so attached to the triplets my absolute favorite was and always will be laito, very underrated with the sexiest voice, literally always sounds like he’s cumming I’m not OKAY

KOU MAKES ME GIGGLE AND KICK MY FEET SKSKKSKSMS I LOVE ME A GOOD ( BAD ) PRETTY BOY

My thing is that every single one of both sets of brothers awaken something in me so picking favorites is so difficult too ALL OF THE MUKAMIS GIVE SUCH JEALOUS VIBES AND ALL OF THE SAKAMAKIS ARE SO YANDERE azusa is my little meow meow my pretty emo boy

I LOVE THEM ALL I CANT HELP IT

I am so overdue for a rewatch it’s sickening

TOKYO REVENGERS NEXT MESSAGE, I GOT YOU. I’ll tell you where I’m at actually. Baji just now proved himself to Valhalla!!

TIKTOK FOOOOOD

I genuinely haven’t been on tiktok in so long so I don’t have any new ones for you BUT I WILL NEXT MESSAGE I PROMMY

YOU ARE SO FOUL FOR THE AZUSA TOK IM SCREAMING I LOVE HIMMMMMBBBB

Unlike yui I would never ever ever piss kou off I WOULD ONLY MAKE HIM HAPPY!!! I WOULD MAKE HIM CUM !!!

Smh

YUMA SIZE KINKJJJJ full on crying and jumping up and down baby you’re really trying to pull me back into my DL ERA

LAITO WOULD ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT IF YOU CALLED HIM A SLUT TO HIS FACE, HE WOULD COO AND PIN YOU DOWN AND BE LIKE “you love it, too.”

YOU ABSOLUTELY SPOILED ME THIS TIME I MAY NEVER RECOVER HONESTLY

#jjk nonnie !#💚💚💚💚💚💚 SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU BACK ONLINE TOO #I hope you’re not crazy busy anymore!!

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bunnys-vent-blog · 2 months ago

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i feel like you guys haven't heard bunny lore so here is some cause why the hell not:

discussion of se*ual topics and a tiny bit of swearing btw

so last yr I had a bf and we dated for the best part of 7 months and he was a bit odd sometimes (refused to turn on location on snap, and never said where he was going if he said he was not there for the weekend, etc) but I ignored all that cause I was so so happy to have someone actually liking me (I get asked out as a joke all the time cause I'm a bit odd) then one day while I was on holiday I messaged him asking to call cause I had not heard from him in a bit and wanted to see how he was doing! well, he told me that we should break up cause I was going too slow for him (I started crying and shaking when he tried to kiss me)(I have undiagnosed something idk)( he had also drank half a bottle of straight tequila at the time and I had to carry him down the hill after...I'm 5'3 and he's 6'4)(anyways) and that we should break up.i was heartbroken and sobbed the rest of the holiday.THEN the next day a guy from my art class who I must of spoken to like twice ever messaged me with a screenshot of my ex saying that he was high as hell (he had a wee bit of a drug habit icl) and was sad cause he had cheated on me EIGHT TIMES. for backstory on the girl (it was one grl every time) he told me she was like a sister to him, I had her on snap and talked to her almost every day cause she seemed really sweet, he had told me pretty soon after we started dating that him and her had shagged before cause she hated her boyfriend (BTW THE BOYFRIEND WAS HIS BEST FRIEND!?) and that he felt awful about doing that to his best friend. i was a bit weirded out but decided to ignore this massive red flag cause once again I was so happy that someone actually liked me. back to the main story... i was raging when I heard this cause I rlly liked this girl and she seemed so nice but even tho she knew I was dating the guy and that I'm a bit mentally not alright she went ahead and shagged him. a few weeks later just to rub it in my face THEY GOT ENGAGED.the engagement announcement was a pic of a shitty Poundland looking ring (poundland is like british dollar tree) with the caption "guess I'm better than miku" miku referring to me cause I would always yap abt her. i was so sad abt this cause wtf. anyway school started again and the stories i heard abt those two were mad (all true) the weirdest ones to name a few: she sent him nudes 3 times a day, they shagged in the back of his mums van, they shagged while she was on her period and best of all HE FINGERED HIMSELF WHILE THINKING ABT HER CAUSE HE WAS SO HRNY( he was bi and seemed to think this was a good plan?) anyway the school thought the engagement was hilarious and he got sent a bunch of congratulations cards including one that a girl in my year wrote poor BUNNY (not actually my name) on in massive letters then handed to him lmao.....anyway the whole point of telling you all this was that yk how they both cheated to get with each other...SHE CHEATED ON HIM AND THEY BROKE UP and its so funny to watch him mope around the school looking sorry for himself like SERVES U RIGHT U TWAT

sorry for spelling and stuff i just thought it was funny

#personal vent #vent #ex boyfriend #breakups #lore #me lore

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louff4tw · 3 years ago

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My Arceus Pokémon headcannons. This turned out much longer then I thought.

What are y’all’s headcannons?

- Ingo has only been in Hisui a little over a year. The rift opened around that time and Jubilife has been there for 2 years

- Dawn/Akari doesn’t remember anything either. The reason they don’t is cause it can creat time paradox’s

- Meli and Ingo are BESTIES. Something about Meli reminds him of home (unknowingly the chaotic nature of Elesa and Emmet)

- Meli cares so much about Pokémon. I can see why he says that about the lights in the caves.

- He’s a lot more calmer when the situation isn’t stressed. He just acts like a jerk when worried to hide it

- He and Ingo didn’t get along at first but they do so much that even after Ingo is gone he keeps his promise to keep some lights up. Also named his first son after Ingo

- Meli is one of the best Wardens

- Wardens live near their nobles to be able to serve them better. So they really get along with their other clan counterpart

- The many times love became between two is so high. But rarely spoken about

- A famine killed off most of the adults the year before Ingo came. Most likely why Ingo was allowed as Warden. And why a new leader and multiple wardens were needed suddenly. They are buried in the graveyard in the highlands

- Ingo is also Lian’s unofficial big brother. He is a big brother and unconsciously projected onto Lian

- Lian is like Meli. Putting up a front cause he’s scared. But also?! One of the most competent Wardens

- Lian and Meli bond after Ingo is gone cause they miss him

- Lady Sneasler has kits every few year, some were born when Akari fell

- Ingo has poison immunity cause danger babies

- After Akari caught Arceus their memories started returning and he said they had to go home

- Ingo just. Started sobbing cause “omfg I forgot the people most important to me. Emmet is my 1/2 I need him” he doesn’t want to leave but they do

- The Proffesor came up with a idea to make scrapbook type things for each of them. Filled with notes written by friends and and pictures

- Akaris is filled to the brim. Ingos more of Pear clan. Tho Meli wrote the most touching thing and demanded several pics for them to keep

- They wrote letters in return

- Ingo made sure to get a ink stamp of his Lady and some danger babies. Plus pics

- Jokes on him. When he told her he was leaving she immediately internally went “when WE leave”

- She showed up to the goodbye with a basket full of food. Babies and a claw. Followed by some of her older children. Everyone was confused. Then she handed a claw to one of her daughters. Pushed her to Irida and bowed. Showing she’s passing on the title to her daughter. She then stood by Ingo linked arms and basically her face said “I fucking dare you to challenge me. He is my scrungly baby man”

- She tries to groom him like one would a baby. Had done the cat Blep to the forehead meme we have all seen

- They took their Pokémon with them home

- Arceus sent them back. Same amount of time that passed in the past. Past in the present. They landed in Sinnoh

- Dawn cried in her mothers arms. Emmet was sobbing the whole plane ride over. Elesas hand in his the whole time ( twins are asexual. Their one and only love is trains and battles )

- Emmet was a wreck the whole time Ingo was gone. Elesa and the depot agents are what kept him sane

- Mustache man is Mustache Dad.

- Elesa and twins are childhood friends

- She had lesbian Moms and basically moved in with Emmet cause both didn’t want to be alone

- When the door opened and Emmet came into the room. Suddenly boom. Collision they ran to each other so fast they fell over

- Dawn going “WOW you really do look alike”

- “wait! Your only 29?!?!?! I thought you were 50” Ingo thought that to cause he didn’t know his age

- She calls them uncles

- Ingo and Emmet have NOT stopped holding hands and Elesa refuses to be away from her boys. Cue Cuddle pile at night

- Lady Sneasler was like that baby who was confused by her dad having a twin. She sniffed him and was like “aawwwww yeeeee second scrungly baby” and “aw sick! A shiny version!” She Blepped his face and he was horrified while Ingo laughed at him

- They have a house in Nimbasa. They are subway bosses. They make that dough. Ingo sleeps in Emmets room cause they miss each other and she took over his bedroom while they turned a storage room into hers cause she wants to raise her babies there. And refuses to be in a pokeball tho allowed it once to be registered

- babies grow up to be extremely popular and helps bring the species back cause some leave to go live in a facility in Sinnoh. Lady Sneasler does not leave him tho

- JOLTIKS EVERYWHERE EMMET STOP

- Emmet took away Earthquake while Ingo was gone. Ingo brought it back

- Ingo cried while on break his first day back at work cause he missed it

- The Twins and Elesa are world wide famous cause of her being a model and them being scary strong plus running the battle facility of l Unova

- Dawn suddenly remembering she idolizes them and goes OMFG

- They have YouTube.

- Emmet says Fuck. Ingo won’t. ( he has once and never lived it down

- Both do not give a fuck. Do not misbehave on the train.

- Dawn comes to do the Unova badge cricut. Will ride the trains for fun

- Emmet and Ingo. While in that cuddle pile slept well for the first time in a long time

SHIPPERS DNI I will take your left shoe and shit in it

#Pokémon #pokémon arceus #pokémon legends arceus #Ingo #emmet #Akari #Dawn #Sneasler #Meli #elesa #Sinnoh #lian #Irida

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mickules · 3 years ago

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Could we see your head canon for how Takaaki got that scar on his forehead?

Most people (Taka included) think that Takaaki's injuries were sustained during the line of duty, but in fact almost all of them were caused by other officers under the guise of 'friendly fire'. Takaaki was made an instant target after his father's impeachment, the fallout effecting most police payslips/pensions. His own record was impeccable so they couldn't outright fire him, so he was bumped down to cold cases, and would be relegated to the worst patrols when he signed for overtime. He was extremely outspoken against corruption so the scandal destroyed his credibility and every dirty cop saw it as a perfect opportunity. For his part; Takaaki goaded them- meticulously gathering evidence because his word alone meant nothing, using spite to fuel his personal vendetta and pursue a one man campaign to see every single one of them taken down. It's not just the gangs who call him 'Demon Cop' (in canon the scar was from one of his beta designs but he lost it in the final cut which was a shame)

references to [these] - [asks]

I do love the idea of Takaaki having his own 'Ishida' side, he certainly has the eyes for it! But my bro made a good point that if Taka gets his emotional side from his mother - stands to reason he gets his 'Ishida' side from her too. Especially with her sheltered upbringing she'd probably had no healthy way to express such utter rage, other than becoming a Mama Bear.

If that was the case too - it makes it even funnier to imagine Taka's maternal grandparents, recognising the boy that looks like their ex-son in law, with the personality of their estranged daughter, and remembering her temper. They might make themselves scarce.

(alternatively: "Hey Takaaki! How do you keep control of your 'Ishida' side so well?" "That's my secret. . . I'm always 'Ishida'.")

:-O!!! Gift fic to me?! That's so cool! I hoped no one would notice but I completely avoided naming her on purpose, as I am diabolical at names- I have OCs from childhood who are still nameless - So I'ma take a leaf from @porcelain-dionysus 's suggestion and give her the 'Kiyo' from Kiyotaka's name : Thus Kiyoko. :)

---

You're totally right. Taka was a lifeline for Takaaki, someone for whom all this pain and struggle and misery was for. He thrives on being able to care for someone, to be useful to them, to have them depend on him, and Taka makes it easy to weather the storm.

No, Takaaki is a bean pole. He runs on coffee, cigarettes and spite. And riceballs when Taka makes them for him. (feat. the convo with my brother when I sent him this pic)

The image of Takaaki as a serial dater who has made his way methodically through all the parents of his son's friends is PEAK. Takaaki as the most eligible bachelor, inspiring Lady Dimitrescu style interest for this tall scary man amongst the Hope's Peak parents is so bloody funny to me.

---

You know the Hagakures would find a way to force Takaaki and Taka out of the unhealthy work/study - sleep cycle they force upon themselves, and a post-school summer celebration is the perfect excuse to get the boys to relax for once. It's probably Hiro's idea, but Hiroko is the one who organises it.

Hiro ends up with being sentenced with a community service order - he gets Taka-bro to help him with it. He's comfortable with Hiroko pursuing relationships because he knows if he did notice any red flags with it, she would definitely hear him out.

(thank you!! :D) If they did get together it's unlikely they'd get married on paper, mostly because Takaaki would refuse to put her in a situation where she could be saddled with Toranosuke's debt. They'd probably fall into a common-law marriage, and not knowing exactly when they became a couple, once a year they'd pick a random day to celebrate their ''anniversary''.

(edit: more takaaki asks - [here])

(next set of asks [here] mostly just text this time round tho) (previous set of asks [about Taka’s eating habits])

#danganronpa #takaaki ishimaru #ishimaru mother #yasuhiro hagakure #hiroko hagakure #kiyotaka ishimaru #kozzy-wozzy #porcelain-dionysus #Takaaki gets a lot of his catharsis from seeing dirty cops get their comeuppance #ask #anon #dr1 #injury tw #mickules #mickules answer #dangan-answer-ranpan #dangan-minicomic-ranpan #dangan/mainAU

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taeyamayang · 3 years ago

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I’m so sorry about dumpling! No one should ever go through that. If you need to vent about it, I’m here. Also, arias tail isn’t necessarily broken, just a tiny (like pen tip) is showing from her fur and it never bothers her. I forgot to mention, I call her Mimi bc she likes to go “miiiiiii” when she wants attention and it’s super cute….. till it gets super annoying rip. We actually got her at petsmart when we were shopping for a cone for Thor (he kept picking at his eye stitches). My sis said she’ll take her instead of a bday gift and she’ll take care of her. Which was a lie lmao. Aria doesn’t even really like her tbh 😭. With aria I can only get majestic or cursed photos. No in between.

Context for the second photo, I was petting the neighbors cat and aria was not having it. For the other two- she just looks like that™️ sometimes

And by that I mean stares into your soul

I’m not sure if I shared this one yet but she wears a bow bc she is a gift ✨😌✨

I deadass ran out of room to talk about Loki and Thor-

And I don’t even favorite Loki I just ramble about all my fur babes

yeah, it was too soon for me to say goodbye to dumpling. she was my favorite cat and i was her favorite too tho overall she's a good cat to everyone in the house. it's okay!! honestly, sharing stories and photos of our cats is therapeutic for me lmao

WAIT SHE GOES "MIIII" ??? WTF THAT IS SO CUTE!! i can imagine puss in boots iconic puppy eyes and Aria goes miiiiii NOOOOOO THAT IS SO CUTEEE I'M LITERALLY SMILING RIGHT NOW if you have a video of her saying it I will VERY MUCH appreciate it. i will keep it as my serotonin booster. okay, but remember ching? the calico cat we have at home? she doesn't meow too but instead she goes "KIK" like when she needs food she looks at you and goes "KIK" maybe i should attach a video of her next time i sent you an ask (since it's late here and she's sleeping lmao)

the first picture makes me want to scratch her chin HHHHH AND THE SECOND PIC IS HILARIOUS SHE LITERALLY HAS THE YOU BETRAYED ME FACE LMAOOO is she clingy towards you? it's funny how she was originally adopted by your sister but she ended up as your cat. i think it's true that cats choose their owner and not the other way around. the third pic tho,, at least you get to carry Aria without her constantly pushing you?? bc momo does that ALL THE TIME. MOMO IS THE LEAST CLINGY CAT I KNOW unless it's time to sleep because she refuses to sleep without me so she's sleepy she follows me around AND THE BOW.. SHE IS THE GIFT OMFG AIEFJAEJFNAE I LOVE IT SO MUCH DUDE YOU MAKE ME SO HAPPY THESE PICS ARE HEAVEN PLEASE I WANT TO SEE MORE!! YOU CAN INCLUDE YOUR OTHER CATS TOO OMFG AHHHHH THANK YOU THANK YOU

as a token, here are photos of momo

the first one is when when i get sick of staying inside the house so sometimes take a chair and read outside. momo comes with me and she guards me like a dog 🤣 sometimes i walk her outside with a leash on ofc but she sits or lie down every 5 to 10 steps 🤦🏻‍♀️ the second one is from a video of her eating her favorite treat. i find it funny and adorable when she licks the food lmao and finally the third one is her usual judging face SHE HAS A RESTING BITCH FACE

also, momo walks around the house with a leash lol but we don't tie her up only unless she she goes out bc i don't want her to run off and get ran over by a vehicle like dumpling

#CATS!!#pea.asks

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gins-potter · 4 years ago

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What are your winx and specialists tattoo headcanons? Who would have tattoos and which one would they have?

Heyo, as usual sorry this took me a little bit but I wanted to properly organise my thoughts and find reference pics as well. and tbh I could end up coming up with more stuff but this is what I have so far. (under the cut because it ended up kinda long af and tagging @catlliecal because she also sent an ask asking for this).

Bloom:

Ok so my headcanons for Bloom’s tattoos have changed a bit over the years

but at the moment I imagine her with a fairly large hip into thigh, full coverage piece of the Great Dragon

she chose it’s position because i imagine oritel is probably a conservative old man when it comes to tats (even tho i can so see miriam also having a dragon tattoo) so she puts it on her thigh so she can easily cover it by wearing a long dress for royal events

it would probably be in black and white but I can see the Dragon being intertwined with some flowers, probably Daphne flowers for her sister (which you can see in the two images on the right) and I can see those being coloured a pale pink kind of like in the middle reference pic

and because this is the magical dimension i imagine it’s been spelled so while it stays confined to the one area, it can move a little bit and change positions

so because bloom is both a basic bitch and completely extra i totally see her having more than one dragon tat

her second one would be a lot smaller and probably be a lot more simpler in design compared to her thigh dragon, so something more like the top two images in the second graphic

also in all black but maybe spelled to breathe red fire?

and it would also be enchanted so it can fly around her body, and unlike the bigger dragon it’s not constrained to any area - it’s favourite places to be are flying in circles around her wrist or sitting on her left collarbone over her heart

the other two pics in the second graphic are just older ideas i had for bloom’s tattoos, i was convinced for ages she would have it going down her back like the one on the left (i might eventually give this tattoo to either miriam or daphne) and i just love the design of the one on the right so i briefly considered her having like a shoulder/half sleeve dragon

Flora:

all of flora’s would be in colour i think and she would definitely have that sort of water colour effect on them that’s really popular now

her first two are similar in design to the pic on the left and she would have them on either side of her torso, sort of upper rib area, to the side/just underneath her boobs and they’re like a mirror image of each other

these ones probably wouldn’t be spelled to do anything special

the one on her back is similar in design to the pic on the right, but i can see it also being drawn more like a full tree

the writing down the centre would be her and helia’s family names (because i can definitely see them hyphenating when they get married) and then on each leaf is a name, first helia, then each of her children

i’m playing around with the idea of this one being spelled to change with the seasons, the writing would always stay the same, but the leaves change colour and eventually fall off during autumn and then grow back in the spring.

Layla:

for the moment i can actually see layla only having one tattoo

and that’s this yin yang/opposites fish design that you can see in the reference images (they’re all more or less the same i just found too many cute photos)

it’s actually based on a mosaic in the andros castle that layla loves, and she gets it because it brings her peace when she’s feeling upset or anxious about anything

they would be all in white, one fully white, and the other just a white outline

i think the fish would probably be on the inside of her forearm so she can see them and they would be spelled to swim in circles around each other

i can see her maybe getting nabu’s name somewhere after he dies but i’m not 100% sure where she would put it

Musa:

musa’s are actually the hardest to pin down for me just because i can see her having A Lot

like at least one full sleeve and maybe two

one sleeve would be mostly made up of the music notes for a song her dad wrote for her mother before she died and that would run down most of her arm and would be decorated with birds and flowers important to melodian culture (like the flower top right)

like bloom’s hers would be mostly in black with a few pale red and orange accents here and there

the music notes would be spelled so that when you touch them they play the song

her other arm is more just a collection of stuff she thinks is cool or pretty like the bottom two pics or the boxing art below

and i can eventually see her completely filling her arms so the tattoos spill onto her back

Stella:

stella in my opinion just has two

they’re very minimalistic designs, plain black, and on the inside of either elbow

she has a sun for solaria on one side and a moon for celestia (her mother’s home realm) on the other side

the moon tattoo causes quite the controversy when she gets it because some solarians think it isn’t right for their crown princess to show such strong ties for another realm but stella refuses to remove it

they aren’t spelled to move or change or anything but they do have the ability to glow a bright gold at night

Tecna:

like stella, tecna’s tattoos are rather minimalistic as well

but unlike stella, tecna’s are very meme-y

literally

tecna gets a QR symbol on the inside of her upper left arm that when scanned is actually a rick-roll

and she eventually develops a spell for it that allows the QR code to change so that it takes you to whatever meme tecna currently finds the most hilarious

her other tattoo, which is on her right forearm, is written in binary code and no one actually knows what it says

they can never get a straight answer out of tecna about what it is, and everytime someone asks her she tells them something different, so they assume it’s meme-y like her other one

but actually it’s a short sappy quote that reminds her of timmy but she’ll never admit it to anyone

(don’t ask me what that quote is i haven’t decided yet)

that one has a simple spell on it that makes it look like someone is typing out the code over and over again

kind of like musa i can see tecna having more tattoos than this, i just can’t decide what they would be, but i think they would all follow the same simple, minimalistic design

Specialists:

it was hard for me to find reference pics i liked for the guys so i’m just going to give a brief description of some of the tattoos i think they would have

i don’t know if i’ve written about this on tumblr before, but i have a long-held headcanon that heros have a big tattoo culture:

getting their first tattoo is part of their graduation ceremony from red fountain

they’re encouraged to get tattoos that remind them of their family/friends/loved ones - some yada yada about remembering who they’re fighting for when facing evil forces

and it’s very common to honour fallen team members by getting a tattoo of their name or something that reminds them of the person

Sky:

sky’s tattoos are mostly on his chest and back

his graduation tattoo is an eraklyon prayer of protection that runs down his spine

he doesn’t get any other tattoos after that until nabu dies which is when he gets his friend’s name on his ribs (right side) and that’s where he adds other names of fallen friends/team-mates

later after he and bloom get married he gets her name on his left pec (right over his heart the big sap) and then adds his kids names beneath it after they’re born

none of sky’s tattoos are spelled or enchanted

Brandon:

brandon’s grad tattoo is a list of his siblings names on his left forearm and Stella’s name on his right arm

eventually, like sky, he also gets his kids names added to stella’s

all his name tattoos are individually spelled to burn really hot when that person is in trouble

brandon struggles to decide for a while where to put nabu’s name but eventually decides on the centre of his back because he likes to think that wherever nabu went after he died, he’s still there in spirit watching his back

Riven:

riven shocks the fuck out of everyone when he graduates and gets the red fountain school motto (”live with courage and die with honour”) tattooed in giant fuck off lettering across his shoulders

they all figured he lowkey hated red fountain and maybe he did at first because come on he’s a rebel without a cause at what is basically a military school, of course he kinda hates it there

but he also acknowledges that red fountain more or less turned his life around as well as brought him into contact with the people who eventually he comes to regard as family (much more than his biological one)

like musa i can see riven getting a bunch of other tattoos just because they look cool and putting them all over his arms, chest, and back

but his right bicep would be reserved for tattoos of his fallen friends

unlike sky and brandon he doesn’t get names however, but instead gets symbols, the first being a likeness of nabu’s staff after he passes

Helia:

helia i think would have all of his on his back because he understands the importance of having them but also doesn’t need to see them every day

his grad piece is kind of unorthodox because he gets his favourite line of poetry to remind him that there’s still beauty in the world even when he’s facing evil

later i feel like he would get something like outstretched bird wings just below it

and under that he gets nabu’s name in really nice script

Timmy:

timmy is probably the least prone to tattoos of the group and he has to think for a long time on what to get for graduation

and people assure him that he doesn’t actually have to get one just because most everyone else is

but eventually he decides to get a small coloured blaster on the inside of his elbow

when he was in freshman year at red fountain he was lowkey ashamed when all his classmates took to using swords almost straight away while he preferred using his gun because he thought it meant he lacked the physical strength and courage to use a short range weapon

but he slowly came to realise that it wasn’t a weakness, but just that he had different strengths to his friends and classmates and that wasn’t a bad thing

so he decides that’s a good thing to remember

and when nabu dies again he debates whether or not to get a tattoo commemorating him but ultimately decides he will and gets ‘his name written near his blaster

#answered #winx club #winx rewritten au #bloom #sky #stella #brandon #tecna #timmy #musa #riven #flora #helia #layla #aisha #mywriting

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shinymooncolor · 4 years ago

Text

Sweater weather chat #12 part 2

Hi all!!!

As promised - here’s part two to chat #12!

First of all - massive thanks to @lumosinlove for giving us this world!

Also thanks to @frombeauxbatons for giving me ideas, support and just generally letting me vent and rant <3

the amazing @paulian03 cleverly came up with Sirius giving the boys the nickname O’Knutzy in the story and that features both in this chat and the next. :)

link to part 1 here :)

So,

Sirius is hiding in a closet. Remus is sarcastic. Kris is worried. So much love for single dad Kris <3. Dumo wants to call PETA. Blizzard doesn't judge. Olli has opinions. Olli is the best. Timmy is offended. Alice is a boss. Finn has ideas. They involve glitter and rainbows. Mental health awareness is important! Natalie is precious. We establish that consent is EVERYTHING!

Sweater weather chat #12 part 2

Tuesday 2.54 pm

Sirius <3: re!!!!!! Help. I’m in the green closet.

Remus ❤️: I’m not gonna make a joke. But. It’s right there. Which green closet? I lost you around the beds. Thought you were behind me. How’re you sneaking away so quietly?

Sirius <3: someone put it on Twitter. That I’m here. These ladies followed me. Hat to throw my hat down on the floor as a way to distract them. Never seeing that again 😭

Remus ❤️: sneaky....... you could just sign their bras and get on with your life.

Sirius <3: really? Sarcasm. I was being hunted by cougars re. It’s scary. Help me.

Remus ❤️: alright. Send me a pic.

Sirius <3: *pic*

Remus ❤️: I sent you to get a lamp. You ended up on the first floor somehow? In the kids section. And no we’re not buying that massive shark.

Sirius <3: it’s for Ava. 🥺

Remus ❤️: really?

Sirius <3: she told me Jackie is her favorite (I assume Jackie is Nado?) and I need to be the favorite. Logan already beat me with the Dumais’ kids. I need to win somewhere.

Remus ❤️: and bribing her is the way?

Sirius <3: of course it is. How else? Can’t dazzle her with my hockey or money or fame. Need some real firepower and a big shark is a winner.

Remus ❤️: I’m here now. Which closet are you in?

——

Tuesday 4.31 pm

Nadotheman: guess who’s trending on twitter for hooking up in Ikea.

Blizzard: my first guess is always you? But as you’re texting you’re either oddly proud or it’s not you. Kuny?

RussianGod: not me

Timmyforrealz: @blizzard you’re not even thinking about me? Could totally have been me. Nado not the only one who’s got crazy girl skills.

Ollibear: skills? Buddy you’ve had a three month drought.

Timmyforrealz: DONT listen to Olli. He’s a baby. He’s still a little virgin.

Ollibear: first of all. There’s nothing wrong with not being into sex. Asexuality is a valid thing. Also I’m not a Virgin. I just prefer a partner who either has no idea who I am or likes me for me.

Ollibear: also, the three of you are easy @russiangod @nadotheman @timmyforrealz. You literally sell out for a pat on the ass and a wink. I could get with either of you with very little effort.

Nadotheman: oi! I’m not easy. I have an acquired taste.

Talkiewalkie: acquired taste = anything human with a pulse and the ability to consent. Literally. I’ve watched you pick up.

RussianGod: as long as consent. What’s big deal? They say yes it’s ok.

Prongstar: I JUST SAW THE PIC WTF?????

Prongstar: also, Olli? That’s the spirit.

LeWilliam: cap?!!????

Logantremblayzzz: whattttt

Talkiewalkie: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA WELL YOU CERTAINLY CAME OUT THE CLOSET..... LITERALLY

CarbO’Hara: damn!!! I was gonna say that

Newt-leo: I said it first. You just type like a madman.

Krisvolley: is that the shark you dropped off for Ava?

DumoDad: better call peta. Poor shark.

Siriusly: it’s not whAt it looks like. Someone tweeted I was in there and the cougars descended upon me. I had to hide. Someone actually ripped my shirt and Remus was gone to look at pillows. I had to hide. It was scary.

Blizzard: so you didn’t do a quickie in Ikea with a plushie shark watching?

Siriusly: no. We didn’t, also, sirius had to put his shirt back on in a Hurry. Someone did rip it (re here)

Blizzard: I’m not judging. Whatever makes your skates fly cap. Never had Re as an exhibitionist tho .

Siriusly: he’s not. We didn’t do anything. Some lady ripped my shirt and I hid in the closet while the nice Ikea girl distracted them with some sort of family offer I think or free ice cream whatever. But they’d actually ripped my shirt. Re helped me put it back on... you guys are idiots.

Logantremblayzzz: heheheh whatever you say.

Krisvolley: so you didn’t do nasty things to or near the shark my daughter is now refusing to give up? She’s named it fluffy. I’m worried. She said it’s just smiling? Should I be worried?

Siriusly: ew no of course not. Promise.

Nadotheman: sure. Also I see what you’re doing cap. I’m favorite. Back off.😫

Siriusly: no idea what you mean. JACKIE

Blizzard: Jackie? That’s cute. How’re you today Jackie? 😘

Nadotheman: shut up kasey. Or I’m gonna spank youuuu

Krisvolley: you guys do realize she’s literally calling whoever gives in to her whims and tantrums her favorite right? Also I’m her dad. I’ll always be her number 1! ❤️

Nadotheman: awww we know. Best single dad!!!

Siriusly: we’re not trying to steal her kris! You’re doing amazing!

Ollibear: yeah man she’s so lucky she’s got you!!!

Blizzard: we love you kris 💖💖💖

—-

Wednesday 1.33

Alice: alright. Ikea confirmed that there was a situation involving fans and we were able to mostly control the narrative. You have to prepare for some chirps and a few memes.

Sirius: what’s a meme?

Alice: I swear to god sometimes you’re a grandpa stuck in a young man’s body. Ask the rookies.

Sirius: you’re really mean.

Alice: I’m also really good at my job. So suck it up captain. You’re a hockey god. I’m a PR god. We work together and magic happens.

Sirius: I’d think that was flirting but I’ve seen you make heart eyes at frank. So. We’re good right? I swear I won’t roll my eyes for the next, like, three interviews

Alice: you better not love. And yes, frank is rather into me, isn’t he? Time I put him out of his misery, I think.

Sirius: good luck! (To frank)

Alice: I’ll tell him 😜

—-

Finn: hey Alice!!

Alice: O’Hara, how can I help?

Finn: I just had an idea ok?

Alice: I hope it’s better than take your dog to work day.

Finn: that was a great idea. Not my fault that skates and jersey are easily confused for chew toys.

Finn: but I thought we could do a charity skate or something? (Need your brain here) so all Star was a massive success so maybe we could do like a charity thing soon and get money for like lgbt+ mental health awareness right? Like. Cap is of course new to this but I can speak up, my brother is happy to support too and I bet the team would too! We could invite young people on the ice and do like a you can play thing? I know it’s not pride but like. We could wear rainbows and glitttee and???? I really wanna support cap!!

Alice: I like your enthusiasm and the idea. Give me a few days with my team and we can work on something? I also believe congratulations are in order? For your and your boys?

Alice: also. you typed about 100 “like” in there. I’m worried about the state of the American school system. You're a Harvard graduate....

Finn: I love you! I’m terrified of you but I also love you and thanks. I want to get us jerseys saying O’Knutzy? That’s cute right.

Alice: it’s easy to make happen but Finn, maybe sit down with your boys and heather first ok? Maybe cap too. Coming out is a lot and I want to make sure you’re okay with the consequences. There’s a lot of bigoted people out there and it breaks my heart I can’t protect you better than I do!

Finn; hey we know you’ve got our back!

Alice: I’ll see what I can do. Is the team ok with this?

Finn: yeah most of them I’ve asked and the rest will follow I’m sure. 😀

Alice: you’re a good kid! I’ll do my best!

Finn: 😘😘😘

Alice: I’d say that’s inappropriate but I know you mean well!

——

Finn: NAT!!! She said she’ll look into it!

Nat: I love you finn and we’re gonna make this event explode in a shower of glitter, love and rainbows.

Finn: 💖🏳️‍🌈💖🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

Nat: 😘 also sent you some stuff on email about poly.

Finn: wait? You and kasey???

Nat: No but I’m a musician baby, me being in a het relationship is the weird thing in our community 😜

Finn: maybe I hang with the wrong crowds.

Nat: hopeless hockey boys ❤️

Finn: you’re dating one.

Nat: I know. And I ship your poly arrangement harder than fangirls on tumblr. If anyone says anything tell me and I’ll relieve them of their knee caps

Finn: I get why you and kasey works. His threats are also oddly specific. He made the Boston rat cry when he detailed his imminent death via goalie pads. It was eerie.

Nat: that’s my man 😍

Finn: weirdos. I’ll let you know when Alice is back ❤️

Nat: 😜🏳️‍🌈💖🙏🏻🌍😇

#lumosinlove #lumosinlove ocs #sweaterweather #sweaterweatherchats #sweaterweatherchatsnr12 #wolfstar #mental health awareness

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rnegitsune · 4 years ago

Text

Ok so I thought I'd put together some horror stories from my time as a babymetal fan bc of how drastic the shift in the fandom has been the past year or so. For context I got into babymetal in like june of 2014 (all 3 girls were still underage at the time, I was 22; when I first got into them I thought I would be considered an older fan lmao the naivete, the innocence of new fan me wow I know now I'm not at all in the older half of the fandom esp considering I was born the same decade as su and moa), and I made this blog in I think may of 2015.

I've had people say I should compile men being gross into a post and I just couldn't do that out of fear for my own mental health but this will be pretty close. These are all my experiences with this fandom over the years; I'm definitely missing some but what I do remember should do well to cover most of how this fandom used to be vs now. It's gonna be a lot and tw for men being gross about minors.

Back in my first year or so of this blog I on multiple occasions got dms from men asking to be friends. At the time my bio only said my name and my pronouns. I've always been cautious of dms so I'd ask their age and every single one was considerably older than me. I wouldn't usually answer after that bc no thanks but they would generally try to continue convos til I blocked. The only one I still had was this one

After I put my age in my bio, which was 23 at the time, I never got a dm like that again; take from that what you will. But if you're young please be wary of this hell fandom even now. And if you're an older fan and esp an older male fan reading this, don't dm people trying to be friends. I was over 18 and it still creeped me out to no end.

One of my real first men in this fandom are disgusting moments was a blog back in like 2015 or 2016 who I had some contact with due to common interests; he was a huge yui stan and made bm content. He was like 28 or 29 at the time and I eventually noticed he would tag idols, mostly kpop girls, by their body parts (legs, butt, etc) which is disgusting enough as it is but then I saw him do the same for literal minors, like tzuyu from twice. I messaged him asking what the hell he was doing objectifying women but also actual children and he blocked me lmao. He later unblocked me to let me know that's just how he tagged things and it was my fault he had anxiety and then he blocked me again.

Back before the tumblr purge this fandom was repulsive to a degree I cannot even begin to describe. Someone would reblog something from me, I'd go to their blog and it would be underage jpop idols and japanese p*rn all the way down. I even stumbled upon a man editing underage su into p*rn gifs. Obviously no proof of that but I did go find my initial reaction to it

The number of times I'd get a follow from someone then go to their blog and it would be as mentioned above or their bio would be the most misogynistic trash I'd ever read was staggering. I genuinely considered giving up and deleting this blog so many times bc i felt oberwhelmed and outnumbered by these gross old dudes; and so the fact that this fandom has evolved into a bunch of chaotic wlw?? Amazing, I could cry.

Fun phenomenon of women running bm blogs was men sending messages asking if we liked babymetal. No joke. I think this happened to me two or three times but I spoke w other female creators at the time and it had happened to them as well. My entire blog is babymetal, and yet???

He said the weird guy idk bc he sent some random ass messages vaguely insulting me and when I responded coldly, he acted confused so I said you're some guy idk, hence the above message starting as such. Also that pic and the one up above that has my current pfp bc I just took those screenshots. Like I said I typically blocked weird dms but I guess these passed me by so I still had the messages.

Most people know the sub reddit is the worst and don't need me to tell you but it's a hellscape and I highly recommend avoiding it. A short list of things I've had to see as a result of going there: men discussing at length kano and momoko's appearances and how they look in costume vs in normal clothes. Men discussing at length the hope that the girls would marry men who aren't Japanese, a thread that was from when all 3 girls were underage. They aren't gonna marry you dude they're really not.

The insulting of billie Eilish, a 17 year old at the time, was horrible too. Su and moa got to meet her, something they were extremely excited for, and they posted a pic; the comments were disgusting as you can imagine. The yui rumors were terrible too, fatshaming, slutshaming etc all based on nothing. Some man saying the rumors about yui leaving bc, no joke this was a real rumor, she "got too fat" couldn't be true bc "look at saya." Saya being a barely 18 yo back up dancer who covered the third spot after yui left but before the avengers. Not to mention the upskirt shots from when they were minors, the constant editing of their faces onto explicit photoshoots etc. I remember being a new fan looking for a su pic on google and being horrified at the fact that one of the top suggested results after her name was “bikini;” she was 16 at the time. Also, the uptick in massively creepy posts and messages sent to bm blogs as each girl, but esp moa and yui, approached 18 was disgusting.

Now for some personal nonsense. A big reason why I haven't touched my youtube channel in months is bc I got tired of dealing with the men of this fandom. I poke fun at metal and get told I deserve to die. I say ped*philes and creepy men are gross and get a swarm of middle aged men cursing at me. Had a guy cry about how men are shamed for liking bm and then he turned around and said some gross shit about wlw. Had a guy call me racist for liking a band he also likes (and despite him having no way of knowing my own race) and tell me the babymetal fandom doesn't need my kpop feminist bullshit, which is honestly a great description and I thought about putting it in my yt about lmao. Had a middle aged man unironically say he'd never seen a man be creepy towards bm but fans su and moa's ages calling them hot was creepy. The disillusionment....the level of unawareness is astounding. If you want to see screenshots of some of these comments they are fairly recent in my don't mind me tag; I don't want to see them anymore tho bc they're infuriating so I'm not going to look at them to post here.

Essentially I haven't looked at my channel since may bc men are exhausting and rude and refuse to examine the fandoms they're a part of no matter what. They're told by a woman of the fandom that she's had bad experiences personally and they all start crying about how it's either a lie bc they haven't seen it or unimportant. I did stop reading comments in may and I will never read another one again probably as a result of this shit. Trash men being trash are not worth my time and I refuse to give them anymore of it. I do plan on making more videos tho and let my ~feminist kpop bullshit~ live in their minds rent free.

I will also continue to make fun of metal and the creepy men in this fandom bc it's important and I'm a spiteful asshole who likes disrupting these dudes perfect bubble of a fandom. It genuinely brings me so much joy seeing all the new fans recently (which sidenote if you got into them recently I am kinda curious as to how you found them; I've gotten tons of new followers and considering how inactive they are rn I'm curious). People sending messages about how they finally feel like they belong or that they have a safe space....like I don't even know what to say and I never feel like my responses fully convey how genuinely wonderful that is and how thrilled I am that this is where we're at now and I have had at least some part in it. As this post shows, my experiences have been negative for the most part so the shift recently is such a relief I cannot even begin to explain my gratitude.

So to anyone who read all of this and hasn't disintegrated from the male bullshit, thank you. Keep being yourself and fighting for your place in this fandom, esp if you're a young woman; keep making fun of the creeps and keep making wlw memes!! Babymetal's music is in such a huge way meant for girls and to see more and more finding their way to this previously hellish beyond belief fandom is incredible.

#babymetal #don't mind me #this is long ok

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fuck-lov3-do-drugs · 4 years ago

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There's some stuff I wanted to get off my chest but idk I didn't want anyone I know to know

My mum cheated on my dad, it triggered his bipolar disorder. He went psycho, threatened to smash my mums car up, put nails in her car tyres, wanted us out the house, threatened her, threatened my step dad the guy she cheated with, chased him down with his friends with crowbars threatening to smash his head in.

My dad left eventually no goodbye no nothing for q year. Then he wanted to see us again because he was stable. His new gf had kids, he put them above us always. He was loving tho.

He didn't come get us one Christmas, we waited hours on hours and he still didn't show.

We cut ties off with him at 9ish yrs old. He lives in Ireland now, I speak to him sometimes.

Then growing up my step dad was abusive

I didn't wash a knife up properly and he threw it at me. I splashed him in the middle of summer with cold water, he chucked a jug of boiling hot water over me.

It was little things like that that scared me at first.

Then one day I came out the shower and he called me downstairs still in a towel. With a man I trusted, looked up at as my own father and he raped me. Kept asking if it felt good I was a child I didn't know know to fucking say. I didn't know what to fucking do. He Told me don't tell your mum she wouldn't understand it.

I kept that secret for years. It never happened again.

Idk if he did it to my sister aswell or not. I made a habit to not leave her alone in the house with him for years after.

Then comes secondary school. I got bullied by a girl I thought was my closest friend, she humiliated me from the way I looked to the way I dressed to the way I acted. She made me hate everything about me. She started dating the guy I liked so I stole him from her when they broke up. And did the same with another lad months later. She hated me.

Then came a guy I was close mates with he teamed up with her and together they made me scared to go to school. They petrified me.

Another guy she managed to make hate me was a guy who hated me because I told him to turn round in class once. He messaged me a nasty message that fucks me up still to this day. He made me think I was fucked up. That I was all wrong in the world. He told me to kms and I wanted to for months after that.

There was multiple occasions where I was shoved to the floor where I had my head whacked off a locker hinge. Where I had chewing gum shoved on me, where they blocked my path to lessons to make me feel scared. I had them bully me for hairy arms, for dandruff, for my accent. They had me wanting to die at 14 years old.

Then in college I realised I was bi and a Muslim girl hated how open I was she tried to accuse me of being a rapist an abuser because I said my ex mad eme wanna burn her shit on her front door step and because I said a girl was pretty once. She made me feel so low. I was diagnosed with bpd by an ex gp turned college counsellor, I refuse to go get it officially on record.

At this point I was dating a girl who used to abuse me, beat me to crap, left me high and half dead in a ditch, slept with someone and sent me a pic of them in bed.

Then another girl, who cheated with her ex bf but used me getting off on the phone to get herself wet for him, said she didn't want it but agreed to meet him, agreed to go to his bedroom, agreed to kiss him. She broke up with me a lot, I went to London to see her behind my mums back, I lost my virginity to her. Then she ended things with me while I was with my grandma on Feb 14th because she had been speaking to someone else.

At the same time one of my oldest friends I'd known since 5yrs old had a gf who hated me, hid my lanyard in the hamster cage, poured juice over my head, but a wet umbrella in my pocket with my phone and loads of wires for my phone, hit me on the head with a metal tube for the umbrella. My first never stopped it.

Then I met the girl I thought I was going to be with forever, and I cheated on her with another girl because I was scared of commitment. I fucked her head about. I was scared of everyone around her, so I hooked up with a girl I knew. We ended things very negatively.

Then I lost my best friend, my ex bf. He had a psychotic breakdown and was arrested for vandalism. His dad never wanted to press charges just to get him help but they kept him in a cell and refused to let him see his son. They took his jacket off him because he tried to strangle himself. They left him alone and he killed himself with his trousers. I was the last person to find out.

Then I started seeing my friend I'd known for 10 years, she was a head fuck, one minute she loved me the next she didn't like girls, she hooked up with people behind my back. Refused to ever see me, left me outside her house for 3 hours in -4° weather. We were on and off for months. She told me I was fucked up, that I had no right to grieve my best friend, that I'd never heal seeing his family, that I needed therapy because she didn't know who I was anymore.

Then I met a girl I liked, she was cool, started dating hooking up whatever. We ended things and my head couldn't cope with that, my release was gone. So I turned to drugs, mdma, coke, ket, anything I could get my hands on and I made a friend I thought I'd have forever but she started dating my best friend at the time. Both of them together was so fucking toxic. He cheated, manipulated and fucked her over and still to this day even after they've broke up she thinks he's the best thing in the world.

I got clean for 7 months, got a good job, got a good car after two car crashes. And then my step dad was diagnosed with cancer and had weeks to live. I sat by his bed and watched him die for 4 days, 4 days where I had to watch sympathy be given to him where I had to have someone I cared about kick off at me because I was with my step dad as he died and not with her.

Then I swiped right on a girl I thought was beautiful. And we started talking and within a month I was falling for her massively, we gave it a shot lasted bout 3 months lmao. We fucked, which was my first sober time ever. I proposed, I love her. She is the love of my life, she showed me everything before was infatuation not love. I never felt that way about someone before. And then I started using again on the one day she needed me the most. But that makes sense right? Because addicts hate the attention not being on them. Because why wouldn't I use when someone needs me most. Anyway we broke up 😬 then I tried to od, became a heavy drug user again and now we're friends or something idk. I just can't lose her again. I really can't. She is my reason to be sober and without her idk if I'm strong enough.

Anyway lmao sorry for that idek if anyone will read this but yeah

My fucked up life aha

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jsteneil · 5 years ago

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Neil Josten’s Birthday Bash

in which the foxes don’t get anything done, ever

Nicky added Dan, Kevin, Aaron and three others to “Neil Josten's Birthday Bash Organization Committee”.

Nicky: can't add Andrew because he still owns a FLIP PHONE but here we go

Dan: hell yeah B-)

Nicky: kevin can fill him in with the details anyway

Kevin: why me?

Allison: because you live with him?

Matt: you're practically attached at the hip

Dan: omg ur roomm8s

Matt: ^^^ what allison said

Dan: yeah

Nicky: OR aaron can do it on wednesdays so that there's no chance of neil finding out :D

Aaron: no.

Aaron left the chat.

Nicky: what

Nicky: the

Kevin: just add him back

Nicky: fuck

Kevin: ffs

Kevin: some ppl are in class

Nicky added Aaron to the chat.

Aaron: im muting you all

Allison: just embrace the fact that you've lived in SC for years and say y'all

Nicky: y'all!!!

Nicky: yeah

Matt: dude don't how are u gonna know when to buy your coordinated outfit and rehearse the choreography if you mute us

Dan: Aaron?

Renee: I do think he muted us

Allison: fuck a crybaby

Nicky: hey

Allison: what's he gonna do? Unmute us?

Dan: asdhskfjdl ALLI

Matt: lmfao

Nicky: moving ON

Nicky: the important thing here is my boy neil's birthday

Kevin: and you wonder why Aaron left

Nicky: what?

Kevin: maybe Neil doesn't want to celebrate his bday

Nicky: no that's too sad

Nicky: next person?

Allison: not to be that bitch

Matt: oh?

Allison: but do we even know when his birthday is?

Allison: fuck you matthew donovan boyd

Matt: sorry i love you

Dan: it was easy

Dan: matt ur easy

Matt: ily babe

Dan: <3

Kevin: jan 19th

Renee: March 31st?

Allison: wait

Dan: uhhhh

Matt: Neil Josten deserves 2 bdayz

Kevin: no jan 19th

Renee: oh i thought we were using the one he chose for himself

Matt: Renee add a smiley face

Renee: :)

Renee: ?

Dan: babe ur mind,,,, im crying

Matt: ikr

Allison: stop using mygf so

Kevin: is it me or does it sound really passive aggressive bitchy with a smiley face

Dan: ye that's the point

Renee: I really wasn't trying to be

Matt: oh no we know, sorry

Matt: i feel bad now

Matt: it was just funny

Matt: sorry

Dan: :(

Renee: It's okay, don’t worry

Renee: :)

Dan: renee STOP i feel like ur going 2 murder me in my sleep

Renee: I could, but I won't

Nicky: im shaking and im not even in your dorm

Allison: and we daily thank god for that

Nicky: hey im an excellent roommate

Nicky: i always leave so cap and matt can have sexy times

Dan: yeah but then u call it sexy time

Allison: ive seen the bathroom nicky

Nicky: that's aaron

Matt: l o l

Kevin: aaron's a neat freak

Allison: exposed

Nicky: erik come get me the people here are mean

Renee: So when's Neil's actual birthday?

Kevin: jan 19th

Nicky: who's gonna ask andrew?

Kevin: HE HAS REAL PAPERS NOW

Kevin: JUST GO CHECK AND LET ME BE IN CLASS IN PEACE

Allison: well okay drama queen

Dan: kevin: *is on the chat as much as us*

Dan: also kevin: guys why r u dragging me here

Matt: it's okay kevin we can talk about it during practice

Renee: Don't goad him, Matt

Dan: lmfao babe u thought

Matt: uh oh

Allison: lol

Dan: we need 2 trounce the ravens nxt wk

Nicky: do we have to

Dan: y'all r hauling ass @ practice or god help me

Nicky: id settle for a close victory

Matt: nicky if you don't help us close the goal next friday im telling neil about his surprise

Nicky: noooooo :'(

Allison: ye renee has enough to do without having to face stuff y'all should have blocked

Renee: Andrew is also a goalkeeper

Allison: yeah but he doesn't give a fuck

Renee: That's neither true nor fair

Dan: i want bragging rights over this vctry, end of the question

Matt: are we just gonna ignore the fact that the fbi chose neil's old bday

Matt: even tho they made him a new identity

Allison: wonder how this conversation went

Nicky: are we ignoring the fact that neil is a goddamn CAPRICORN

Allison: "in my left hand is your birthday date. In my right hand is your other birthday" *shuffles behind his back*

Matt: idk about astrology but I checked and he tried to pass for an aries so what does that tell us?

Dan: shut up adfhskdjs

Nicky: im dying

Kevin: [attached picture]

Matt: did u steal neil's ID

Allison: i thought you were in class

Kevin: he sent it to me

Nicky: his phone can take pics??

Dan: RLY crappy 1s but yeah

Nicky: so all those times andrew refused to send me pics of his Eden’s Twilight's outfits so i could coordinate neil's…

Matt: :/

Kevin: he just doesn't like you

Allison: i would have laughed but you two have been fighting the good fight since last year, dressing neil up

Nicky: hey

Renee: Kevin, that was mean

Nicky: but thanx allison, I think so too

Kevin: sorry

Kevin: he's just difficult?

Nicky: yeah :(

Dan: omg u guys rmr when neil was on k ferdinand's show n he looked like a bite-sized snack in that shirt

Kevin: not exactly what I remember from this interview

Dan: u were pretty 2 <3

Kevin: oh my god

Renee: Didn't Neil keep the clothes?

Nicky: i've never seen him wear them again

Nicky: maybe he STUFFED THEM DOWN THE TOILET

Matt: uh okay

Allison: weird emphasis

Kevin: are you still stuck on that

Dan: what

Kevin: it's what happened with the clothes he wore the first time we went to columbia

Nicky: do you know how expensive that plumber was?

Matt: just a thought but maybe that wouldn't have happened if you didn't force him to come with you and drugged him against his will

Allison: don't tell me someone actually peed on them and tried to flush

Nicky: take it up with andrew

Matt: you literally drove the car

Kevin: what happened in columbia stays in columbia

Allison: omg oh my god

Dan: IM SCREAMING

Nicky: what was i supposed to do, get knifed?

Nicky: also ^^^^ yeah.

Nicky: ANYWAY

Nicky: now that Kevin got us proof that the FBI officially made neil a capricorn again,,

Dan: the fbi be like "oh u thought u could escape ur traumatic past? That's nice buddy

Matt: yeah I don't think beating last year's party is gonna be hard

Dan: here's ur bday n trauma back"

Nicky: HAPPY THOUGHTS

Nicky: :(

Nicky: anyway it's the big 21st, so the first thing in order is BOOZE

Kevin: uh nicky

Renee: He's turning 20?

Matt: what???

Kevin: yeah he aged himself up on his fake papers

Matt: oh my god

Dan: lmfao only neil

Nicky: he is baby

Matt: does. Does he know though. Like did he check when they made him the papers.

Kevin: I'm guessing so

Matt: imagine filling a form or smth and you get the day right but not the year

Renee: Wait Kevin, how did you get neil to send you the pic without telling him about the surprise party?

Nicky: DON'T YOU DARE HAVE TOLD HIM ABOUT THE NJBB

Allison: njbb?

Dan: neil josten's bday bash, im guessing

Nicky: Neil Josten's

Nicky: BIRTHDAY BASH

Nicky: yes

Allison: it doesn’t sound right

Allison: like, something’s missing in the name

Matt: alli we play a sport named after what you get when you take the s from sexy

Dan: 10 bux kevin wishes he didn't have such a stick up his butt so he could reply with exy is sexy

Allison: im not taking that

Kevin: i actually don't know why she named it that

Kevin: she never told the press and she didn't write it anywhere so

Nicky: :(

Allison: oh

Dan: sorry :(

Renee: Maybe coach knows?

Matt: maybe each letter has a meaning

Kevin: how?

Allison: endangering xylophones yearly?

Matt: EXceptional daY

Matt: and then, boom, it's about your name

Renee: Matt, I like that idea!

Dan: allison, no

Kevin: I'll have to ask coach, renee

Kevin: anyway it was always going to be her name, she invented it

Nicky: someone bring neil in so he can say something super serious about how kevin is a legendary striker whose name is already associated with exy and make us choke with emotion

Kevin: nicky….

Nicky: look it's working and he's not even there

Allison: it's the josten effect

Dan: changing your entire life's beliefs one extremely tragic remark at a time

Matt:...

Matt: someone change the subject im sad

Nicky: BIRTHDAY BASH

Kevin: oh yeah nicky asked me how i got neil's ID

Allison: and?

Kevin: i told him i signed him up for his own exynews account so he could stop hogging mine for streaming

Kevin: so i needed his name and birthday

Kevin: and then we got into an argument about date formats

Nicky: dd/mm/yy 4ever

Allison: eww

Kevin: so he sent me a pic instead of writing the date

Dan: it's the european propaganda getting to him

Kevin: i guess i really have to get him an account now

Dan: kevin i know you're entirely serious but that's so funny

Nicky: THE REST OF THE WORLD USES IT

Matt: admit it, you can't wait to go back to Germany because you secretly like the metric system

Nicky: yeah dicks sound bigger if you use centimeters

Dan: didn't need 2 know that

Nicky: not that erik needs that :)

Dan: I DON'T WANNA KNOW

Renee: ….

Matt: honestly im glad i don't understand german or i would never live down all the skyping

Dan: renee's like "can't relate" lmfao

Renee: No indeed

Allison: hell yeah that's my girlfriend

Renee: <3

Allison: hey minyard if you're secretly lurking now is the time to leave

Allison: …

Renee: No, he truly muted us earlier

Dan: are we surprised?

Renee: we'll catch him up on what we decide to do later

Renee: Nicky?

Nicky: oh, yeah!!!

Nicky: BIRTHDAY BASH

Matt: here we go again

Dan: mamma mia

#aftg #tfc #all for the game #the foxhole court #this is crack #i'm aware of that #my writing #anyway i wrote this just after waking up don't hold me accountable for anything #dan's ridiculous spelling was fun to write #ALSO did tumblr get rid of line breakers on desktop because if so i'm about to fucking RIOT #you hear me tumblr??

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trujellyfish · 4 years ago

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im really bored and my friends are unresponsive (its chill) so obviously the only solution is to overshare on the internet

anyway love how the last time i saw my dad he told me to feel free to jump out the second story window (he was mocking me for my history of suicidal thoughts)

and also how he commented on my jaundiced eyes, insinuating that I would probably die of liver failure soon. my eyes just have a yellow tinge around the edges, i’ve been tested, its fine. but yknow, nice to know he cares lmao

oh or that time i decided i’d had enough and abandoned my whole family in favour of homelessness and he called me, sobbing about how sorry he was and then saying “i want to claw your mother’s face off” as if it wasn’t that attitude that prompted the leave in the first place

haha and when he likened cutting ur wrists to mountain climbing he’s like “i see why people might want to do that, to test their limits” like no bitch i was cutting bc im depressed as fuck

or when i called him from a payphone at 13 years old bc i had forgotten to bring bus fare with me and didnt have a cell phone and it was like 10pm and i was like “look i fucked up and i dont know what to do” and he said, verbatim bc of course i remember exactly what happened a decade later, it fucking traumatized me

“guess you better FIGURE IT OUT” *line goes dead, kinda like how my heart stopped in that moment*

yknow, instead of coming out to pick me up or gently making sure i at least knew how to get back or saying “grab a taxi we’ll pay for it” no no, just leave ur 13 year old daughter in her school uniform to travel across the whole ass city on her own

took me like 2 and a half hours to get home; i got lost more than once. man never even left the house, my uncle ended up being the one to pick me up from the bus station i had made it to

or when i was going to therapy and he usurped my fucking therapist to a point where she started asking me about HIS mental health during our sessions (fuck that bitch too tho)

after one session he picked me up and asked what we talked about and I said i didnt want to talk about it so he said “i could just ask her” and my brain went “uuuuuuuuh” while my mouth went “doctor-patient confidentiality” and he fucking said “That’s not real.” what a fucking DICK

like bro im sorry about your mental breakdown but like what the fuck am i supposed to do about it im your kid and you refuse to listen to me

you’ve been manipulating and controlling me my whole ass life, i dont even know how to handle my own mental breakdowns what the flying shit fuck am i supposed to do about yours

but of course im caught in a fucking rut of remembering all this bullshit and then being like “oh but he must be so sad and scared and alone :(” and part of me is like fucking GOOD!!!! but it’s also like does anyone really deserve that? like how many other homeless people are in that exact situation? like he deserves help and everything but fuck he sure as fuck aint getting it from me

but the fucking 13yo thing!!!!! i mentioned that the last time i saw him then he sent out an email and was like “i dont remember that but i guess im sorry” like bitch?????? u dont remember the most traumatizing night of my life?? get fucked!!!!

(cue twitter pic of “of course u dont remember it was just a regular tuesday for you” except it was actually a wednesday, i looked it up)

and i just keep thinking about more and more ways im traumatized like how i expect men to just start screaming at the smallest inconvenience bc that’s all i’ve ever known and then i dont know how to handle ppl genuinely being patient and honest with me

or how i hate presents bc theyve left such a sour taste in my mouth bc there were always strings attached so i dont like getting ppl presents bc like what if they think im just manipulating them

(but also i have big sugar daddy energy and i like getting my friends random presents like food or those sunglasses they really liked bc its just so cute to see how happy they get?? but then i have to joke about it later like “haha remember when i bought u lunch? now its ur turn” but im never serious!! i just dont know how to process this shit other than turning it into a joke)

anyway i dont think i’ve fully exhausted myself of my emotions yet but i think that’s enough oversharing for one day

#yikes

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allyreactions · 6 years ago

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BTS reacts to their idol girlfriend on tour and fainting on stage

pairing: bts x reader

warnings: idk if its right or not but just in case, know that it mentions skipping meals and not sleeping well, idk if its eating disorders or mental ilnesses but know that it mentions that, there’s no implied death tho one of them may seem to have but it’s not like that ok i explained too much

genre: angst

a/n: this may turn much darker than i thought omg im sorry

no gender neutral

~~~~~~~~

kim seokjin

He never liked the idea of you going on tour. He had been knowing about the shitty way your managers were treating you. He noticed how your members would always receive praises while you only received criticism, which made you work harder. This involved staying until late hours rehearsing, skipping meals and sleep time to work on your choreographies. He didn’t want you to leave to Europe, mostly because when you were at South Korea, he could always check on you and stay with you. But now you were far away. He spent every day nervous, alert of his phone in case you wanted or needed to talk to him. One day Namjoon told him he was overreacting, that you were fine, you had your members and that they would help you. This managed to calm him down, put his phone down and left it at home to enjoy the only free day they were given.

He came back home late at night, a small smile on his face, glad that he could spend a day with his donsaengs. When he grabbed his cellphone, his expression quite changed, “23 missed calls” could be read on the screen. He quickly calling the owner of the 23 missed calls, your best friend and unnie.

“Seokjin-ah, where have you been!? I tried reaching you all day!” she cried, voice almost audible

“What happened?” he asked, fear obvious in his voice

“It´s Y/N...she fainted on stage a-and...” she sobbed, while Seokjin’s held his breath “....she isn’t waking up”

His heart stopped.

min yoongi

It was a problem. Your weight had been dropping every month, making your boyfriend worried. And worst thing was, he couldn’t tell you anything. He had tried, more than he wanted to, but you just wouldn’t listen. This was your first year as an idol, your band debuted with success yet your managers weren’t happy with your body. That got to your head, and your diets were reduced to almost a plate per day. Yoongi was used to these starving diets, and knew that cheating them was the worst a female idol could do. So he focused on staying by your side, and help you sneak some snacks in while your managers weren’t present. But one day you announced him your band was going to South America as part of their tour. His concern grew, because he could follow you to Japan or China, but South America was too much. He just swallowed, nodded and prayed you would be ok.

He never stopped messaging you, every day checking in, seeing how you were doing. But suddenly, you stopped messaging. He glanced at the clock, 2pm. He remembered the 12 hours of difference, it had to be 2am for you. He was about to give up, and hope you were sleeping well, when a message entered his phone with a ‘pop’.

[2:08pm] Y/N: Suga are you there?

What? You never called him by his stage name, it cringed you. Why were you calling him Suga? He didn’t wait to reply.

[2:09pm] Yoongi: I’m here, what’s wrong?

He could feel it, something was wrong. His jaw dropped to the floor and an annoying knot appeared on his throat when he read the next message.

[2:11pm] Y/N: I’m Yoonho, me and the group are at the hospital, Y/N fainted, she’s way too pale and can barely move. You’re her emergency contact, right?

jung hoseok

“Babe, you’re barely awake” you laughed a bit, watching Hoseok on your Face Time trying to keep his eyes open.

“I’m here, I’m here jagi” he replied, trying to smile, but you were right. He could barely stay awake. He had spent all day checking on you, trying to see if you were fine.

You had been feeling quite bad these past days. You had been working on your first soloist album, and you had wasted long nights writing lyrics and composing melodies. It was driving you crazy, but you needed to get it done. You too were barely awake, but spending weeks staying up late at night made you control yourself, you knew how to pretend you were fine. Something your career as a Kpop idol also taught you.You managed to convince Hoseok to go to sleep, so you could get changed and go to the stage, it was another night of touring with your girlgroup.

Hoseok woke up from what he liked calling a long nap to his phone ringing. Without thinking about it, assuming it was you, he picked up.

“Y/N~ jagi, I’m sorry I fell asleep” he spoke in his tired husky voice

“It’s not Y/N, Hoseok, I’m her manager” that made Hobi jump up and suddenly fully wake up.

“Why are you calling me from Y/N’s cellphone?” he didn’t measure his tone, too concerned to care

“Y/N fainted on stage, we had to carry her to backstage” he gulped, feeling tears on his eyes “She’s resting now but I supposed you should know” he added before hanging up, leaving Hoseok more concerned than he already was.

kim namjoon

He hadn’t been able to talk to you in days, and it was driving him crazy. I mean, you were at USA touring, he knew your schedules by memory, why could you never even message him? But, he had to understand. Your managers weren’t as easy on you as his were on him. So he had to stick to social media. Updates of you on Twitter were the only way he had to check on you. He knew you had been quite stressed lately, thanks to your tour. You would always skip meals and sleep less just to get it perfect, you were too scared to be judged by foreigners, so you had to get it right.

He was working on his studio, the beat mixer opened right next to Twitter, with your update fan account. He refreshed every minute, watching some videos fan were taking during the concert. He started noticing you were missing some moves, and look quite tired.He assumed it was the video, because you never acted lazy on stage. He continued refreshing, but nothing happened. No new videos, neither pics or tweets. Everything was too silent. That was until he refreshed one more time, and a long tweet appeared. He read it out loud, his voice lowering as he was reaching to the tweet’s end.

@Y/Nunnie tweeted: “Y/N’s body suddenly dropped to the floor. The music stopped and so did the other members, who then gatherend around her. Soonah (your leader) picked her up, with some help from staff members. The lights went off, and when they returned, the stage was empty, only one staff member remained, who stood in front of the mic and said: “due to health issues, Y/N won’t be able to continue the show, please understand”. I hope she’s fineee :’((”

Joon stood there, trying to assimilate the situation, before going crazy...

park jimin

He was mad, and oh god you hated it when he was mad. When he was this mad, he wasn’t cute, no, he was scary.

“Y/N, you heard me, you aren’t going to that tour” he pointed at you, the ugliest frown formed on his face

“Jiminie, baby, even if I wanted to, you know I can’t say no! I signed a contract, I need to go!” you tried calming him down, but it was in vain.

“Look at you, Y/N, look at the bags under your eyes! They aren’t even letting you sleep! How do they expect you can perform? And abroad!”

“Well...” you started, not knowing how to answer, until you found the best way “...how did you do it when you just debuted?” you crossed your arms over your chest, and watched as Jimin relaxed a bit, knowing you were right “....could you talk back to your manager, refuse to perform? Baby..” you sighed and held his hands “...I’ll be fine, I promise you” you pecked his lips and left with a smile, not sure if you were gonna keep that promise.

And you didn’t, Jimin realized while was boarding a flight to Mexico, where you were currently touring. Not a long time ago, he received a message, written by your friend and sent through your phone.

“Jimin, Y/N just collapsed while performing her solo song, I know it’s much to ask but she really needs you. Could you come?”

kim taehyung

(ok i love this little ball of sunshine so much it breaks my heart he would be so sad if this happened)

He really wanted to go with you. He even insisted on asking your manager if he could join your tour. But no is no, and he had to stick to that, despite not agreeing. He not only was your number one fan and wanted to support his favorite person in the world, but he also wanted to have a close eye on you. You had been acting quite weird lately, arriving late at home, waking up too early, skipping some meals. He even caught you crying once, alone at the bathroom in the middle of the night. He was very worried, he knew your new comeback was bringing you a lot of stress, but what was worrying him the most was the fact that you weren’t talking to him about it. He understood that stress, but you still didn’t tell him anything. But he wasn’t a pushy boyfriend, he was going to wait for you to feel like talking about it.

In the mid time, and since he couldn’t join you on your tour, he decided to watch every live broadcast fans were doing during the concerts. He didn’t care about quality, as long as he could watch his girlfriend perform like the queen she is, he was happy.

He was locked inside his room, headphones on and Twitter opened, with the live broadcast of your show at Paris. He had a smile on his face, his favorite song was coming and he thought you always killed it in the dancing. He prepared himself for the performance of his life.

But his smile starting fading off when he saw you weren’t dancing, just walking around. He knew the performance by memory, and knew that during touring that choreography never changed. I mean, he has been watching every live broadcast, he knew the schedule by memory. He got near the computer, eager to find out what was wrong. The smile came back when he saw you joining your members on the choreo.

“Oh she was improvising” Tae said out loud, even giggling a bit.

When suddenly you stopped dancing and collapsed coldly to the floor. He held on to the chair’s arm, mouth wide open and eyes nailed on your motionless body. Your members gatherend around you and tried to wake you up. Fans started mumbling, while the music stopped all of a sudden. Since you weren’t waking up, a staff member came in running and picked your body up, carrying it to backstage as fast as he could. Your unnie followed behind, always having your back, and not intending to stop now.

Taehyung immediately grabbed his phone with shaky hands, trembling lips and tears fiercely falling down.

jeon jungkook

Oh boy he understood every concern you had. Being both the maknaes of each of your groups, you both understood the hard work you had to do to show you were as capable and professional as your unnies or hyungs. So instead of telling you off whenever you practised too much, he would stay by your side, to teach you to recognize your body’s limits.

However you were quite new to the idol life, while Jungkook had his years at it. And now your first tour was coming and your worry grew. How were you going to go on your own without your boyfriend? Jungkook reassured you you could do it, you were strong enough to do it. With a little bit more of confidence thanks to your most beloved best friend and boyfriend, you left.

Little did you know, he was making you a surprise visit. Since you were touring at Africa, he could take a quick flight and susprise you.

He was ready, bag on one hand, and plane ticket on the other.

“I’ll be fine, hyung!” he smiled as he spoke to Jin “...she doesn’t know I’m going, it will be awesome! If I need anything, I’ll call you”

As he was listening to Seokjin, his phone started buzzing with another phone call.

“Sorry hyung, I have another another call, give me a second” as he handed the air flight assistant, he changed calls “..Hello?”

“Jungkook-ah? It’s Jaesung, Y/N’s manager. She...she um, she collapsed, we are attending her right now. Her unnie Mina told us we should call you, we believe that’s what Y/N would want”

His hands felt numb as a tear rolled down his cheek and his bag fell from his hand.

~~~~~~

OMG OK MY BEST REACTION SO FAR I LOVE IT HOPE U LIKE IT!

creds to owner of gifs

~Admin Anto

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mininky · 6 years ago

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Tainted Souls (Taehyung)

Summary: Vampires were no longer a myth, the world knew that they were very very real. The world wasn’t ready for it, and they really weren’t ready to find out that all those whacky conspiracy theorists finally got something right. A lot of celebrities were, in fact, undead. Including BTS. Touring constantly, always on the move it was painfully difficult to ensure that they received their meals. Until their manager learned of a business that specialized in vampire fine dining.

Pairing: Vampire!Taehyung x Reader

Warnings: Oral sex (female/male receiving), biting, multiple orgasms, swallowing of bodily fluids, no condoms (don’t do that!)

Word count: 6.3K

Series list: Prologue, Jin, Yoongi, Hoseok, Namjoon, Jimin, Taehyung, Jungkook

"What book are you reading?" You look behind you on the plane to see Taehyung standing up at an awkward angle so he can peer over your shoulder. "Dracula." You move your sights back to the book in front of you, trying not to smile at the laughter ringing out above you. "Dracula, really? So, does that make you my Mina?" "If I was your Mina then I would have gathered a group of men who would have become so completely infatuated with my kind, sincere, and oh-so-innocent character that they would murder you for me. Well, technically for her fiance, but let's be honest they all did it for Mina." You try to go back to reading but close the book when you realize your eyes have been dancing over the same page for the last few minutes. You put your bookmark in and look up again to see Tae giving you a boxy grin. "Yeah, well I suppose in a sense you are Mina. You could definitely have a bunch of dudes do your bidding." "Is that so?" "Yup." You watch Tae whip his head back around and can barely hear Namjoon saying something about 'sit down' over the hum of the engine. Tae, however, stays up anyways. It can't be comfortable, he's having to stand at an obscure angle/crouch in order to avoid banging his head on the overhead. "But I appreciate that you aren't trying to kill the vampire and you aren't really Mina. Besides, cute and innocent gets boring really fast, doesn't it (y/n)?" You watch Jin's hand clasp around Taehyung's collar and jerk him back into the seat before you can even respond. So instead you have to settle on pulling up your KKT (and paying the outrageous WIFI fee) so you can have the last word. "Why kill the vampire when it's so much more fun to fuck them?" You wait a few moments, praying that Tae also paid for in-flight WIFI before you hear him sputter and cough behind you. Checkmate. You and Tae have been playing a game of cat and mouse from the moment you met. It's hard not to be drawn to him. He's charismatic, handsome, sweet, and he has this air of unflappable confidence that comes close but never fully crosses the line into arrogance. And you...well you've found your new favorite past time but you never thought about the implications it would bring about later in time. You and Tae flirt back and forth with each other constantly, but you've never crossed the line. Come close, dipped a toe over, sure...but you refuse to be the first one to break. Oh no, Tae will be the one to break. He's not like the normal fuck boy type, you'll give him that. In fact, he's not even really a fuck boy, he just has the tendencies. He's got this really sweet, sensitive, kind side to him. He's also very intuitive, the type of person to know exactly what you need or want before you ever say it. But he's also the type that's unapologetically himself and it's naturally an easy attractant for women. He could have any pick of the litter, and he knows it. He walks like he knows it, talks like he knows it, but he never actually comes out and says it. And the thought of conquering him, of being the one that he begs for. The one that gets the cocky side of him to bow down before your feet. Oh yes, you'll break him. Unlike Tae, who flirts shamelessly possibly just for the fun of it, you do it for more perverse and personal reasons. You're attracted to him. More than you'd care to admit too. You want him, you want all of him. You're not sure where in the game that started happening, but you know it's far earlier on than you care to admit to yourself. But he doesn't need to know that. Not until he's worshiping you, and then you'll bare your heart and soul. But he needs to break first. You want to wash off that cocky grin from his face, you want to see him vulnerable and bare to you. And as much as you'd like to pretend it was just a game of conquering the man who can conquer all it was now much more than that. So you've been pushing harder than ever, trying to get him to cross the finish line. You think he probably understands what you're doing. And it seems to you that he's drawing it out to see if you'll break first instead. You've had to slow back down in retaliation. Well, that and the fact that you had been so caught up in the thrill of the chase that you've had witnesses. Technically just one witness actually, just on a few occasions. Unfortunately, poor Jungkook has been caught in the crossfires of your little 'chases' a few times now. So now you have to be a little bit more careful. Poor Jungkook. The last time he walked in on the two of you had been the worst. He'd found Taehyung feeding from your thigh when he came over to see if Taehyung wanted to play a video game of some sort with him. As if it wasn't bad enough of a position with your dress hiked up and your expensive black lace and chiffon underwear on full display it of course just had to happen right when he finally started looking you in your eyes after he accidentally saw the racy photo you'd sent Tae a few weeks prior. It wasn't that bad, but you're pretty sure that he's maybe seen boobs in real life a handful of times and that didn't help anything. He's a shy, innocent thing under all that bravado he puts on stage. Jungkook still refuses to talk around you, he just turns into an awkward statue and runs away which has caused his blood type endless entertainment recently. She's been using you just to chase away Jungkook, and it's only made you tread more lightly in your game with Taehyung. Your thoughts are brought back to the present when you hear your phone buzz. You glance over at Jungkook's blood type on your right and Jin's blood type on your left to see both of them sound asleep before pulling up the text. It wasn't a dick pic per say. It alluded to it, but the angle cut off right after the thatch of well-groomed pubic hair. Interesting, so he doesn't shave completely. Somehow, you kind of anticipated him to be an all or nothing kind of guy. Not that you're complaining. The real question is how to respond? You take a moment to ponder your options before a text pops up.

[Tae-Tae] Speechless? [you] No, I'm just debating if you shave and trim or just trim. What a cocky little shit. You'll break him one day, you swear it. [Tae-Tae] Care to find out? [you] Hmm... [Tae-Tae] I'll show you if you ask me. ;) [you] Nah, I think my own imagination is probably better. [Tae-Tae] :( It's not tho [you] Whatever you say, babe. [Tae-Tae] babe? I get nicknames now? What can I call you? How about baby doll? [you] Gross, veto. [Tae-Tae] Princess? [you]...I can work with that one, but it's not my favorite. [Tae-Tae] My queen? [you] Much better. I accept from you my humble servant.

You try to stifle your laughter as Taehyung suddenly appears down the aisle. He shoots you another boxy grin and leans over for a moment to whisper in your ear. "See, I told you. You can get guys to do their bidding. All you have to ask and your wish is my command. My queen." You look at him for a moment before staring back straight ahead. "I'd rather hear you beg." You watch his pupils dilate for a moment when you spare a short glance back his way, his head cocked to the side before he finally moves back over to his seat when a stewardess starts walking by.

---------------------------------

A few days later and you're finally back in the comfort of your own home. In a strange way, you aren't actually that happy with it. Being out and exploring and...being with Tae...well it's fun. But meanwhile back at the ranch you just go through tedious monotonous tasks of daily life. Not that it's that bad, it's really nice to be able to catch up on all your favorite shows and finish a book in your favorite spot on the couch. It's just...well it's boring. You've been going and traveling nonstop for the last couple of months, and sure it could be stressful. Especially trying to get through an airport while not being caught with BTS and the constant reminder of 'no scandals, we hired you to be discrete' from the ever so lovely management. (Honestly, with some of the stunts you've seen the other girls pull you're surprised that there hasn't been a scandal yet. It's not that they aren't discrete, it's more that...well there's zero tolerance for bullshit from some of the other girls when fans get out of hand.) But with all its rules the job is still worth it. You got to explore museums and sites and food all over the world. Your bank account is certainly not a concern any time soon. But more importantly...with Tae. And when you're back at home...well you're just a regular old girl again. When you're with Tae it's like everything is an adventure, his optimistic boyish charm is infectious. When it's back to just you in your apartment though it's like everything is slightly muted. Your thoughts wander back to Taehyung for a moment. The tour had ended with things getting...slightly awkward between the two of you. You're pretty sure that both of you are getting tired of this little game, but both of you are too stubborn to try for something more. Each conversation with him lately has kept you on edge, both of you seem to be daring the other person to just say it first. You know you're in deep shit, you don't just like him...you love him. And that puts you in an odd spot. This is after all your job. And he is after all famous and under a microscope constantly. And then there's his personality. It's almost like there are two sides to him. The flirty grand charismatic face he shows the world and then the much more serious, sometimes stoic side he'll occasionally give you a glimpse of. But what's real with him? You can't help but wonder if he actually likes you, or if he more just enjoys teasing you. And this dilemma really isn't his fault, it's yours. You started this. You were the one challenging him, instead of just coming forward and being honest. But being honest is scary. Rejection is a serious possibility, and you're not sure if you'll ever be able to recover from it. I mean, sure you will, but...man it won't be easy. And let's say he does reject you, do you have to go back to your old routine at Tainted Souls all over again? You're in the middle of a deep True Blood binge under the confines of the pillow fort you've made when a knock at the door interrupts your thoughts and has you pausing the show. You have no clue who it could possibly be. Your friends rarely show up unannounced and all of them have day jobs so considering that it's only 1:00 in the afternoon it couldn't possibly be them. And you didn't order any food, you actually forced yourself to cook for once just a little while ago. You peak your head out the pillow fort and squint at the door (not that it's helpful in any way but you're hoping you can somehow will the person away if you do this long enough.) Another round of knocks, louder this time, ring through the apartment before the doorbell is rung no less than five times in under thirty seconds. You grunt as you crawl out of the fort before marching over to the door. Swinging it open you're ready to give an earful at your intruder before seeing that damn boxy grin. "Tae?" "Hiya, my queen. I was just bored and in the area and-" "How do you know where I live?" Taehyung stops for a moment and you see a mischevious glint in his eye. "I have my ways. Are you going to invite me in?" "What is this, some old-timey vamp shit? Yes, please, I invite you in oh undead one." Tae chuckles as he steps in, his shoulders brushing against yours momentarily before he steps aside to take off his shoes. "You aren't off the hook that easy though. How did you find out where I live?" "It's on your resume, duh." You watch him survey your small apartment before his eyes light. "Is that a pillow fort???" He skips with glee over to the area, a childlike innocence and enthusiasm taking over as he crawls down and shuffles into the area. "What are we watching?" "We're not watching anything. I was watching..." You stop yourself short. How do you explain to a vampire that you're basically watching a vampire porn show that got a disturbing amount of things about vampires right? I mean, the Dracula thing was already a bit embarrassing enough but hey, it's a classic! "What, cat got your tongue? Come on, come join me in the fort, my queen!" You glance over to see him patting at the side next to him before finally giving in with a reluctant sigh. You didn't exactly make enough space for two people though, so you're squeezed rather tightly next to his side. "So...were you watching porn?" "...no..." No that would almost be less embarrassing, unfortunately. "That...that wasn't the answer I was expecting. Oh...oh my god. You WERE weren't you?" You're struck with horror as he moves to press play. Why god? Why you? Why didn't you destroy all the evidence before opening the door? Why didn't you hide the remote? Why couldn't you have been watching anything else other than- The sounds of moaning fills the room. Of fucking course, this just had to be the worst possible scene for it to start on. And of course you just haaaad to watch the whole series over from the beginning and this is the part where they find the tape of the girl who died after sleeping with a vampire who chains her up has very rough sex with her and then drains her. "Holy shit, this is...this is really kinky. It feels like I'm watching some of Hobi-hyung's stash, but worse. Wow. It's always the ones you least expect I guess." His eyes are glued to the screen as it finally cuts back to the police. "No!!!! No, no no no no no no no!!!" You're smacking Tae repeatedly on his arm, hoping that you're somehow making your illiterate rant get across to him. "No, it's a TV show. It's called True Blood! It's about vampires and okay it's honestly trashy and kind of awful but I mean, they got so much right. A lot of it wrong, but so much right too! Like synthetic blood, and vampires coming out of the coffin! And and and..." You stop at the sound of Taehyung laughing maniacally at your outburst. "Oh fuck off Tae. Even if I was watching porn I'm allowed to do so! Who died and made you my dad? Also, what ARE you even doing here? Don't think I bought that 'I was in the area' bullshit! You're not getting off that easy mister!" "Mister, really?" Tae sighs before cuddling closer into your side, his face pressing into your shoulder. "I just missed you, if you really must know." "Oh." What does that admission mean? Does it mean...no he couldn't possibly be throwing in the towel. "Oh?" You glance down to see Tae looking up at you through his messy fringe. You hadn't really paid attention when he first came in, but he looks paler, tired. "OH, you're hungry." He rolls his eyes before he cuddles even closer and throws a leg over you. You pray that your heart will stop thundering soon because you know for a fact he can hear it. "Not really. I still have two more days before I need to eat. I told you, I just missed you. Is that such a crime?" "You look hungry. Tae, you don't need to lie. If you just came because you need to eat that's fine, I'm sure you've been working harder now that you're back and-" "I told you that's not why I'm here!" His face snaps up, and you're suddenly reminded by his inhuman speed that he is indeed a creature not to take lightly as he's straddling you. His eyes bore into yours, flickers of annoyance tracing over his features. "Why don't you believe me?" "What?" "Why, why do you do all these games? You fuck with me, and you play these games, and god I can't get you out of my fucking head. Your taste, your smell, your laugh fuck it's like they're just running through my mind all god damn day. And then you have the audacity to act surprised? How could I not miss you? Is this all it is to you, just some game? Because I swear to fucking god if it is I'm-" "It's not just a game. I mean, it kind of started that way but..." You trail off, your eyes refusing to look up at him for longer than a few seconds. Tae relaxes at your admission, but his gaze never wavers. He's clearly waiting for you to continue, but you're too stubborn. After a minute of the two of you daring the other to speak first, he finally gives a small chuckle before throwing his face into your neck. "God, you just really want to make me say it first, don't you?" "Yes." Your words come out tiny and small, and you suddenly feel incomprehensibly stupid for just not being honest with him sooner. "Why?" "Because you're you. You could get anything, anyone. And...I don't know at first it was just to get someone as great of a catch as you to look at me and I was kind of bored with having just one client. But then...it just morphed into something more. The more time I spent with you the more I wanted you to really like me. Like really really like me, not just want me...you know? But...I guess...I'm also just really afraid of rejection. A game of cat and mouse keeps things easy and light-hearted, feelings don't really have to be involved." "I fell for you so long ago it's ridiculous. I just figured it was all just fun and games for you so I didn't admit anything. We're both idiots aren't we?" You find yourself grinning up at his words. "Yeah but...we can be idiots together." "I like the sound of that, a lot." For a minute silence just fills the room, although it's not uncomfortable. It's more the two of you basking in the realization that there are no more games. Both of you are finally being honest with one another. And then after that warm and fuzzy glow starts to ebb away do you realize the rather compromising position you're in. He's still straddled over your hips, his hair falling down and eye's just barely peeking out, his hands resting on the side of your head and face just a few inches away. You're not sure what to do in this situation. Do you ask him to move? Do you kiss him? Do you touch him? What would be the most proper? Because really all you want is to feel his lips, but you're not sure if that's what he wants. You're pretty sure he can see each thought playing out based off of the way he cocks his head to the side and lifts an eyebrow. You've never been very good at concealing your inner thoughts. (Note to self, work on your poker face.) So you steel your nerves and finally say in a voice you hope doesn't give away your anxiety, "Tae?" When he hums in response you finally lift your eyes to him. "Tae, can I kiss you?" His smile stirs something in you, a frenzy of joy and something slightly more carnal caused by his fangs shining down at you. "Of course, my queen." He doesn't however budge. Clearly, he's going to make you work for it, and your stubborn side is starting to roll back in. You weave your hands into his hair (you'd like to note that it's oddly soft for all the chemical damage it's taken and you really should find out what shampoo he uses) to bring his lips down onto yours. The force of the movement causes a rather awkward clash of teeth, but neither of you seems to pay any mind. There's been too much build up, too much tension, to really care about little details like that. His lips are slightly chapped and he tastes faintly like mint. It's not long before the kiss deepens into something less chaste, tongues roaming and exploring and hunger starts to drive both of you. Your hands untangle from his hair and move to his arms before snaking around his waist to flip him over. There's something so euphoric about seeing him under you, at seeing the shift as his eyes start to shine red and the way his breathing starts to stagger under your touch. And it hits you, really hits you then, that he's yours. Maybe the world gets a lot of him, but right now you get a side of him that they don't. Your lips trail down his neck as your hands slide up his shirt to feel the cool skin underneath. The way his muscles clench under your touch coupled with his soft panting has desire pooling into your underwear. "You look so pretty like this." You grin as you peel his shirt off before leaving a wet trail of kisses down his torso. "Pretty, really? Wouldn't handsome be a more apt description?" His hands are wound into your hair, pushing you slightly further down as you get steadily closer to the waistband of his sweats. "Well, you are plenty handsome. But...I think you look pretty right now. Delectably pretty. Like a perfect meal presented to me." You linger at his pants, hands resting on the button before your attention flickers back to his face. "May I?" "Please. But I mean, really? If anyone is the meal here it's you." "The big bad vampire routine is unbecoming of you. Be a good boy though and you might just get a treat." The glare he levels at you has a giggle of elation bubbling up in your throat. "Really, still with the games?" "Do you want me to suck your dick or not Tae?" His head whips up as you slide down his pants and boxers, freeing his rapidly hardening cock only a mere few inches from your face. You'd like to note that he does, in fact, shave and groom. Guess the question is finally answered now that you're finally seeing the perfectly shaped triangle of hair in person. "Fuck, no I do." "Then just lie back down and be a good boy." He groans as he throws his head back, biting on his lip to stay quiet. You've always wanted to be the one to get under his skin, to make him fall apart, and now that you're finally here it's better than you ever imagined. You take a moment to just enjoy the site of him laying under you, twitching with barely controlled impatience. Your fingers ghost over his dick, lips coming down to pepper small kisses up along his thigh before halting right at his balls. His hips flex and shake the closer you get, precum beading up and falling onto his stomach. "Jesus, please (Y/N), please just fucking touch me. This is just torture, cruel and unusual punishment. I'll do whatever you want just please, please just touch me." "Whatever I want?" A cheshire cat grin is on your lips as you look at him. You get that technically you guys already agreed to be together, but hey you've been thinking for a long time about just what you would do when he finally breaks. And right now you're finally about to get what you've always wanted. "Fuck, yes, just please fucking touch me." "Hmm, okay, since you begged so nicely." You finally grasp his dick in your hand, tongue snaking along his balls before trailing up and enveloping his velvety head. The tangy precum smears over your lips as you lock eye contact with him, your smile growing wider at the long musical moan that falls out of him. Oh-ho, if Tae is already moaning he might just not be able to handle what you have prepared for him. You give him just a moment to calm down as you keep him resting in your mouth before finally sliding down to the base in one go. "Oh, holy fuck. Fuck, fuck, oh god. You weren't fucking kidding when you said you were a pro at sucking dick, oh my god." You stay stationed at the base for a moment before working up, setting an easy rhythm for yourself to breath in as you go up and exhale slowly as he reaches past your molars. The dull ache in your jaw is worth it for the sweet sounds he's gracing you with. You can feel your panties clinging onto you, your own need beginning to cause a different dull ache. But that's not important, what's important right now is staying in charge. You aren't about to pass up this opportunity that you've worked so hard to finally get. "(Y/N), if you don't stop I'm going to ah fuck!" Your hands massage his balls gently before his hips buck with force into your throat and his cum is filling your mouth in hot white ropes. His eyes are locked on yours as you finally pull away from him, giving small licks to clean up anything left behind before opening your mouth and sticking out your tongue. "All clean, my what a good girl you are." You can't help but preen a bit under the praise. There's something about hearing the words from Tae that make the (honestly almost unbearable) taste worth it. "But it's not fair, I'm almost completely undressed, and you're still in all of your clothes." His words come out whiney as he tries to grab the hem of your shirt, but you're quicker than him. You scooch your way out of the pillow fort, ignoring his whines of protests. "Come on Tae, you promised that you'd do whatever it is that I ask." You glance behind you to see Taehyung behind you, a deviant smirk plastered to his face as he tugs his pants back up. "Well, my queen, I'm hoping that your wish is for me to eat you out like a five-course meal." "No, but nice try. No no, I'd like something far less sexual, sorry to burst your bubble." You wrap your hands around his neck, fingers curling into the soft hair at his nape. "I'd like for you to take me shopping." "What?" "Shopping, I want to go shopping with you. More specifically I'd like to go out on a date with you. I think it would be fun to pick out some clothes with you. Oh, but I suppose I should tack on that I'd like to go to the new exhibit at the museum with you too if you have the time this month. It's not a permanent collection so I suppose that might have to take priority if you can manage the time." "You...you could have me do anything and you choose a date? I thought for sure you'd have me sit there and beg for you or something, or literally kiss your ass, or make me do something really embarrassing. But you...choose a date?" His shoulders are shaking with poorly contained laughter before he pulls you into a bone-crushing hug. "Just when I think I've got you all figured out you pull something like this. You're a weird one, you know that?" "Well at first I thought about making you beg, in fact, that was my original goal. But the plan changed a long time ago. I realized I didn't want to make you beg, I would never want to hear something like that forced out of you. I want to hear that you want me because you want me, not for any other reason. So then I started thinking about what I really wanted, and I realized that even though it's selfish and even though you can't technically go out on dates or be seen in public with me I'd still really like to go out on a date with you. I understand though if it's not really possible." You say the last words quietly as you reflect back on your contract and the firm words from management. Dating and scandals were absolutely not allowed, and while you wanted nothing more to be with Tae you also understood the precarious place dating would put him in. "Hey, don't worry about it. We can definitely go on a date. I can wear like a fake beard or something." "What?" "Ooh, or maybe I'll learn how to do some special effects makeup and turn myself into an old man. With a big beard." Tae is talking animatedly, his hands smoothing down his imaginary beard. "No fake beard, please." "Why not, I thought girls like beards." "Yes well I don't. Especially not fake ones. That's just weird. But I'm sure we'll figure something...less...abstract out." You watch his gaze flicker back down to you, his fingers tracing over your jaw before dipping lower until they finally grip at the soft flesh of your ass. "Well, I suppose that we can figure it out some other time. I don't have enough time for a date tonight, I still have to be back for practice in a couple of hours. But that does leave me with enough time to continue where we left off. What do you say?" His breath is warm on your neck and the fire that had begun to calm down is roaring back. That familiar ache, the need to finally be one with him begins driving all action again. You try leading him to the bedroom, but his hands pull your hips back flush to him. "Always so impatient. Let me take my time with you." His tongue trails slowly down your neck, over the prominent vein before he nips down slightly on your collarbone. Each movement is slow, precise, and it already has you wanting more. You're not normally so greedy, you usually enjoy dragging things out more. But Taehyung is masterful at this slow, erotic torture and it's quickly becoming too much for you. Each touch to your skin tingles and burns, his hands lazily roaming and groping has your hips rutting into his. "Tae, don't be a fucking tease." "Oh please, you've spent enough time torturing me let me have some fun." His eyes lock onto yours before he finally strips your shirt off of you before his mouth latches onto a nipple. His tongue swirls around the bud before he's tugging it in between his teeth with enough force to have you cry out. His mouth twitches into a grin at your moan and suddenly he's off of your breast and picking you up. He doesn't, however, take you down the hall into your bedroom as you initially guessed. No, instead he's leading you into the kitchen and placing you on the counter. He just gives a small chuckle at your cocked eyebrow before explaining. "Listen, this might sound ridiculous to you but I've always wanted to have sex in a kitchen but considering that I live in the dorm or I'm always in hotels I don't exactly get that chance often. Also, I really want to fuck you in a bathtub while we're on the subject. Honestly just about every surface of this apartment, but the kitchen is a good place to start. Don't you think?" Before you can respond his hands drag your ass to the edge of the counter and his mouth is on your thighs. Each wet kiss, each small nip, closer to your clothed and dripping core has you shaking with want. "Tae, please. Please, come on baby, please." You're not sure if it's the begging, or the use of the pet name, or just his own desires that finally cause him to peel away your panties but you really don't care. You just care that you're finally getting relief. "God, look at you. You're dripping all over the counter. What a pretty fucking pussy, and it smells so sweet." He licks one long stripe over your folds before clamping down on your throbbing clit. Before you can even react he has two fingers slipping into you, strangled moans bubbling out at the dual sensations. With each loud suck on your clit, his fingers prod deeper inside you, scissoring and stretching in all the right ways. You can feel that familiar coil tighten and lurch at his ministrations. Each time his tongue brushes against you, each time his fingers prod in just the right spot, you can feel yourself start to unravel. You want to tell him how good it feels, how amazing he is, but words get lost in your throaty moans. "You're going to cum already? You gonna cum all over my fingers? Come on (y/n), cum for me." That's all it takes to have you finally fall into your orgasm. Thighs clenching, abdomen tightening, toes curling. Faintly you know you're screaming his name loudly, but you're too far gone in bliss to fully register that it's you who's making those noises. By the time your opening your eyes back up he's finally pulled away from you. His mouth is still shining with your release and you can't help but groan at the sight of him slowly fisting his leaking cock. His mouth is on yours in an instant, both of you groaning at the taste of both your orgasms. Your hips jut into his, the desire to feel filled by him is starting to drive you into a frenzy. You need to feel him, one orgasm isn't enough. Never really has been for you, but especially not when it's finally with Tae. "Tae, come on, please fuck me." The way he groans low and sweet has you clenching around nothing and desire trickling out of you once again. You watch, entirely entranced, as he finally enters. You're well prepped enough that there's no burn, just sweet sweet satisfaction. His head rested in the crook of your neck, peppering small kisses along the vein as he stayed still before slowly pulling back out. His hands wrap your thighs around his waist before he starts moving rhythmically. Each movement is harsher, faster than the last. Each thrust has both of you groaning at the sensation. You can feel him everywhere, so utterly full as he prods away at the right spot that has nerves on fire. "God, you're so fucking tight. And wet, holy shit. Can I...can I feed from you?" You can't help but moan at his words again. He looks so perfect, almost like a sculpture has come to life. The sweat is making his hair cling to his face, casting a glow to his tan skin. "You have to say yes, I'm not taking a moan for an answer." "Yes, please Tae." At the green light, he nuzzled back into your neck, his tongue snaking along the pulsing vein before his fangs sunk in. There's something about the mix of pain and pleasure that almost feels like a high each time. Sinful, dirty, perfect. And it has you tumbling into another orgasm around him. Clenching, moaning, milking Tae to finally come to his own. His tongue laps up the last of the blood, seeling away the bite as his hips begin to rut sloppily through his own completion. He stays lodged inside as he starts to soften and presses a few soft kisses on your lips. You feel not just satisfied, but somewhere into a place of warm and fuzzy bliss. "You know, it was worth the wait." He sighs at the sound of his phone going off and grimaces as he finally pulls out to look at his phone. "I have to leave now so I won't be late to practice. Can I...come back over tomorrow? I don't have the day off, but I do have a break in the afternoon." "Of course, just text me when you're on your way over. Don't push yourself too hard." Tae gives a boxy grin as he pulls on his clothes before weaving his fingers into your hair and pulling you into a heated kiss. "As much as I love seeing you naked, you should probably put on some clothes so you don't catch a cold. I'll see you tomorrow, my queen." You watch him leave silently, a smile plastered to your face. You certainly weren't expecting for this to happen when you took on the job. You weren't expecting these blossoming feelings of love to take over when you started to first tease Tae. But the world works in mysterious ways, and you couldn't be happier with the results.

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